Linarra,

I should have mentioned reiki (and anything ASMR) is rather awkward. Try this one instead, it’s more soothing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yX5Ztq1qkY&t=1890s

I too have had struggles gaining compassion from people, including authority figures so I understand. I feel compassion for you though! And I’m sure the right people will feel the same. 🙂 You deserve compassion. Kristin Neff can further help you develop self-compassion. I have this workbook of hers. https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=kristin+neff+workbook&qid=1627783789&sr=8-3

Self- Massage tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=s2c4L6ovffg

Inner child meditation (If I didn’t send already): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2OfD00e6Tk

I agree, meditation is a hit or miss for me too. Sometimes, I get real into it and other times I can’t focus. I think the one minute mindulness trick is a good start for just meditating in SOME way each day. That way you can incorporate it even when you don’t feel like it most of the time. Ground yourself with your senses- smell, taste, touch, sight and sound.  Here’s the Wheel of Awareness meditation by Dan Siegel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODlFhOKahmk

This is an article I wrote on the concept of surrendering: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-i-saved-myself-by-surrendering-when-everything-fell-apart/

In sum, that I mean by surrendering is to let go of control and embrace the unknown. For me, it’s spiritual. For anyone though it is just releasing need to control the outcome and allowing what it to come. Instead of giving up, surrender instead.

I have a Forbes article on it as well here: https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2020/06/24/how-to-let-go-of-fear-worry-and-indecision/?sh=76a26b4f7834

As for being stuck, it’s hard. I get it. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed is a book where she gives advice to people pulling the best ones from her advice column. There’s a chapter on her explaining how she once tried to  help young abuse victims get out of their abusive homes. The system was broken though and there was more money for runaways. She wanted to give them hope but realistic hope. She told them to hold onto whatever good they could and know that one day they could make their own life, even if they were stuck for now. It was sobering advice because she knew she couldn’t help all of them.

Here are some short excerpts: https://www.bustle.com/p/the-15-best-dear-sugar-columns-to-read-when-you-need-a-dose-of-compassion-inspiration-8849833

Here is her column in general: https://therumpus.net/author/sugar/

I’ve given you a lot to look over. Don’t feel like you have to at all or even have to do it right away.

Lastly, I hope you know I am happy to talk to you through all this as long as you need. While we don’t know each other, you are not alone.

Sarah