Dear Damien:

You shared that you were in a 7 year long-distance relationship partly because she was depressed, partly because of some of your behaviors. Approximately in August 2020, she decided to take a break from the relationship. Four months later, in January 2021, the two of you were communicating. By June, you “talked all the time every moment and it was going good because she was also going better“, but then “it got worse again. Little by little, there was less communication“, you figured it was so because she was depressed regarding her work, and  “she was extremely affected by the covid, several doctors died in her service, and didn’t see her family since 3 years“.

Next, the two of you (living in different countries, haven’t seen each other in a year and a half) got vaccinated, you suggested to visit her and be present for her during her current depression. First she was somewhat open to the idea, but then she told you: “we will go our separate way, that she doesn’t think we will come back together or that my changes are not enough”, and that “she wants I am happy, doesn’t want I suffer.. she is always here for me as a friend“.

You are expecting to meet her in-person in a flat the two of you shared in the past, and you are hoping that it will be an “opportunity to speak more, redevelop feelings and being close physically after 1 year and half could change because all these problems were by distance. She would see how I am and I could see her. But if she has a severe depression, it would require time… that could lead to return together when she will be better”

“After telling you this story, I wanted to hear your point of view“- I think that being physically present with her may make a huge difference. Physical touch, such as holding hands, holding a person in one’s arms, etc., can sooth anxiety, reduce depression and increase intimacy.

You mentioned that Covid severely affected her, that several doctors died “in her service”- do you mean that she works in health care, being a nurse perhaps?

anita