Thank you Anita
Indeed it was essential that I explain everything. It’s very difficult to expose whole situation and sometimes I have the tendency to mix and get lost in the explanation.
How she felt.. How I was before and what she is waiting now. And she didn’t want to wait to be maybe disappointed because too long she gave me other chances in the relationship. She didn’t want to have the burden to wait perhaps for nothing.
She was already kind of betrayed in the relationship when she gave so much, sacrified some part of her life and got nothing in return from me. We were in a relation for 7 years and nothing evolved from my side in order to live together ! So I realize she needs a lot of proves. And speaking or seeing changes by text won’t be enough.
I also imagine that chemically speaking a lack of physical proximity for so long and low level of hormones such oxytocin or dopamine might not have help. Some low levels could even be tendency to depression as she already had some anxiety before that.
It reminds me a discussion one day when we were still together before the covid. She told me that her anxiety could be due to my lack of physical presence because at some point I didn’t come often to see her. And she said it was lack of hormones. Her doctor told her so. I remember I laughed at it and made fun at the moment.
Thank you for words. I feel now more optimism. I will have to show her I changed and also that she feels secure enough, comfortable and understood. It will be also a good time I will be able to show my awareness about the past, that I understood her suffering and that she took on her in the relationship. From the present and future, it will be essential to rebuild something new and healthy.
Thank you for you time. You must be incredible empathic to take your time to answer everyone. It’s a quality I must also develop.
And I do hope to have chance. Not only for me. But to be right I can fulfill her needs.
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