Hello Anita

Indeed. That’s also why she needs solid proof. Without what I told you, it would not be such a problem despite her depression.
So you may perhaps understand what she means when she says  my changes are far from enough. She has pretty bad history. She need to see. She didn’t want to have further burden waiting so she took that decision. But I was hoping she would take her decision after seeing me..
She can’t be disappointed again. It would be drama and extremely harsh for her. She couldn’t stand it.

Of course now I can’t come straight away with that. But she need to feel I am ready. Or I don’t know maybe it would be a so great good surprise that she would accept. But risky, placing me in demand.. Before marriage she also need to see other changes. In some way it was also better we didn’t marry at that time. It would be very unhappy one. That’s why I keep telling to friends that covid was a chance for me. It gave me distance and time to improve on myself in all domains.

My idea if she accepts would be having a time talking. Maybe invited her walking or having something. Or even at home. I would talk about the past, my regrets, my awareness in what I failed and understood, speak about present, my changes, what I am now, how I now I changed. And make transition to future to speak about my plans, making a family..
If she doesn’t feel I am mature she won’t project. And if she feel ok, it could naturally lead to common projection.

Now I going to send a message after almost one month. I will ask her about her, how she is and her job. And that I thought about her.