Dear Linarra:

You are welcome and thank you. When I read your third sentence I knew everything was in it. I will attend to it after my comment regarding the event of your molestation and it becoming public:

You wrote: “Whether the cause of my unsafety is the brainwashing of my mother about ‘all the bad people’ (that had started before the event..) or is the consequence of this event, or the bullying…“-

– not too long ago, I looked back at my life, noting the scary and humiliating experiences of childhood and adulthood (including molestations), and I knew that no one and nothing has ever scared me more than my mother scared me. Currently, I am scared for the world (global warming/climate change). I am scared for the U.S. (that democracy will be lost within the next 4 years)… and yet, these fears are minor in comparison to my fear of my mother, and for my mother (as she repeatedly talked about and threatened to commit suicide).

The fear for her life was intense because as a child, I needed her too much. The fear of her was intense because a child loves her mother and trusts her wholeheartedly, and when the mother turns against the child, the fear and the sense of betrayal is unspeakable.

I hope that you are okay if I repeat what I asked you earlier: to not express empathy for me, ex., by saying something like: I am sorry you were molested, etc., not here, not in this context. (I am refraining from expressing the same to you).

Back to your third sentence: “I have seen darker parts of myself than the one that might still care about my mother“- did you notice that you equated caring about your mother to a dark part of yourself?

A child’s love for her mother is the most beautiful feeling in the world, nothing feels better, it’s LIGHT, not darkness… until mother turns against child, and the light is turned off. And then, there is darkness.

anita