If i could format my brain, to be a normal person with normal thinking, with normal beliefs and values, i would, but i also won’t allow this, with my current brain, if there is a place that make you like that, a place where they torture you to change your beliefs and values, to make you normal, i just hope that such place, will have garnered results, my mind doesn’t like doubt, it would be worth it though, to have your basic needs met, just this, i just eant this.

I don’t know what it feels like to have this, maybe its just a fantasy, just another illusion,

Probably a illusion.

You appear to be at constant war with yourself. If I could change my brain I would… but I won’t allow this. You won’t allow this, it can’t be done anyway and you don’t want to.  You want relationship but only on your terms which isn’t relationship.   You desire dialog while determined not to look past your certainties, certainties that close the door to dialog.  You have a tendency to say  you want what you don’t want…  You seem unaware that your tendency is to push and pull at the same time and then act surprised when you didn’t get anywhere.

Your certainty as to what is “Normal” is often insulting… I imagine your reply that only a normal person would think that.
Your life philosophy is contradiction and unskillful even if reasoned or illusion.

Fear is to courage as doubt is to Faith – Faith not necessary in a higher power but what you lean on in times of doubt and uncertainty – That may be curiosity or Mind… though mind does not appear to be holding you up. It is understandable why you dislike (fear) doubt.

So honest with your self you lost sight of your self. A man of the five senses where only the objective is real even though the objective senses can only be experienced subjectively.  One half your world is real the other half denied expression.

You use words to define, contain and make things small.  For you I wonder if the map has not become the territory.

I don’t mean to me harsh, or maybe I do. I don’t know, it happens.

What is it you really expect from such dialog