Dear OrangeHeart,

you’re very welcome!

I totally agree, i do think its came from my mum! She gets incredibly angry over nothing all the time, i used to be terrified of her as a child!

Right. You also said that she is quite abusive with your father and puts him down all the time, and that she was the same with you and your sister while you were growing up:

My mum is quite abusive towards my dad and brings him down to nothing at any chance she gets. She done the same with my sister and I growing up, she’s also financially dependent on my dad as she doesn’t work even though she has no reason not to and she does nothing to help around the house, she’s basically like another child!

It appears your mother was/is the “bully” in the family, who terrorizes everyone else. You used to be terrified of her as a child, maybe because she was loud, yelling, perhaps hysterical as well? Your father chose the strategy to appease the bully, or the tyrant, because it seemed easier than to confront her. You chose the same strategy – suppress your own needs and desires and do as the tyrant pleases, in order to keep the peace. Would you say that this is what happened?

I just hope I can change

Yes, you can definitely change this learned mechanism of “appeasing”, and can learn to stand up for yourself! You might need  to do some inner child work, so that you can change the learned behavior more easily.