‘I’ want change, ‘I’ cant change, ‘I’ don’t want to change.  The ‘I’ does not exit, the self does not exit???

I suppose you mean exist?

To make it clear, the human part of me desire things, basic needs, i need those, not to survive, but to live better, but there is a belief/desire/goal that conflict with these, lately this conflict becomes lesser and lesser, those goals/belief/desire won over the human needs/desires.

Only you can define the word self

What self? I believe there is no center of a self, but only desire/belief/goals that was pushed to you by luck, and yes the one i stand for are also pushed by environment and genes, so “I” really didn’t create anything, just following my programming.

not the ego, not thoughts, not emotions, not even experiences, only a means to communicate.

Here we go with the abstract, i think when you talk to people, you should use a language they understand, not everyone is smart and abstract like you.

So where is your doubt?

When i finished last time post and posted it, after feeling a little sad, i said to myself “why make such post, i clearly don’t believe in most of what i said?” “Who cares?”

A person that can accept the reality that nothing is certain and learns to embraces doubt would not experience so much existential angst.

I actually don’t experience such existential angst, i live very comfortablly, but when i right a post i tend to exaggerate, most of these thoughts are in the back of my head, that appears very little in my life.

Perhaps that is the next ‘logical’ step – practice embracing the doubt you assume your living in.

No lol, the next logical step is to do it, anything less would be problematic, embracing or not, i will still live the same way, the belief/desire/goal, won’t be changed, its a self defeating thing, in order to change them, you have to change them first.

even surprise… Curiosity, maybe the next moment will be different.

Living life, i understood its an illusion, the next moment is the same, my life is the same, my values and beliefs is the same, im getting older, life getting hotter and harder, and i still have this idea in the back of my head, that has no proof, “the future is open, anything could happen” what i fail to understand, is nothing gonna happen unless i do something about it.

Curiosity, I think implies hope,

i don’t label it as “hope” or “good” only truth, the truth is, wether i like it or not, the future is open, and you can’t know it no matter what. But i understood that’s not entirely true, you can guess the future based on your present desires and beliefs, and well mine are fucked, so yeah

If ‘its’ all illusion pick a good one.

I refuse to pick any illusions, i refuse to follow anything that aren’t true, if that means misery, so be it, i won’t fool myself, just to live, i won’t cope with a fantasy, not anymore.