Anita,

So my husband’s girlfriend “A” is very…intense and strict with the children.  I have become friends with her ex-husband’s wife.  A little complicated I know.  The wife has had really bad interactions with “A.”  There is some deep seated insecurities.  My ex and she seem very much alike.  I do not agree with how she treats my daughter.  However, my kids both want to be there in the home.  So for now I have to be ok with it because I really don’t have a choice.  It is impossible to discuss with my ex her behavior-not surprising.

So I’m trying to remember the sexual issues with my ex as I write.  I remember from the very beginning of the relationship not enjoying sex with him.  I was not attracted to him.  Why did I  marry him then?  I’m not sure.  I can say part of the reason was I was taking an anti-depressant called Lexapro at the time.  It caused me to be very tired all the time and foggy headed. Also getting married was easy and I found that he would never leave me based on his behavior.  I didn’t have to work and I just did part time employment at animal shelters. Of course the sexual issue were ok until we had my daughter and he became abusive.  The sex continued to be a chore throughout our marriage.  He was very unhappy with the issue.  Over time as the abuse continued and we went to counseling we have a scheduled night to have sex.  there was no connection or enjoyment for me.  Over time he would yell at me during or before sex because he could tell I did not enjoy it.  Before kids there was an attempt at communication as to what I liked during sex and I tried to show him.  It neve really worked as I got the impression he really was not interested in me enjoying  sex, more the amount we had it.  Thinking back I’m not sure he enjoyed it which is odd. It was almost like he pressed the issue so that he could control the situation? By the last 2 or 3 years, I started having sex with him because for 2 or 3 days after he was pleasant and did not verbally abuse me.  Afterwards I would go in the bathroom and cry.  I felt that I would turn off my brain during sex and that I was being used.  It was extremely unpleasant for me during sex.  It’s honestly hard to describe the feeling.  To an extent I felt used?  Then it got to a point where I refused to have sex because there was no respite in his behavior for 2-3 days like before.

I believe he may have cheated. During my pregnancy with my son I did not have sex with him because of the hormones due to my pregnancy made everything very painful down there.

Lindsey