Dear Gary,

A long while has past since my original post , and although I’ll never forget those days and events of long ago , I’m in a much better place now.

You started this thread saying you are in pain because you don’t know if she ever loved you, and that you need to know before she passes away. You now say that she indirectly told you she didn’t marry you out of love but because she got pregnant with your child (“What else was I suppose to do.”)

You sort of have your answer (and had it years ago), but are you at peace with it? To be honest, it seems to me that a part of you wants to put all the blame on her for your breakup (and in the recent weeks this part got stronger and more convinced that it was completely her fault). But another part of you has doubts, and that was the part writing the original post.

In your original post you wrote:

About 3-4 years into the marriage I got caught up in activities that required a large time investment plus worked a full time job. What followed was my blindness to my wifes needs for my attention. And I basically dismissed it as an overreaction and suggested she get a job to break up her daily boredom.

You acknowledged that you were blind to your wife’s needs, that you dismissed them and suggested her to find a job to “break up her daily boredom.” I can hardly imagine a woman with 2 small children (and no full-time nanny service) to be bored during the day. Raising 2 small children is a full-time job, so I don’t understand what you were referring to when you described her problem as “daily boredom”? I cannot match raising 2 small children with “boredom”, but rather with “exhaustion”. That’s why I said that when she opted for a job in the night shift, she might have done it out of spite, protesting against you accusing her of boredom.

You now say that you gave your wife everything she needed:

I was there , all she had to do was open up and talk about it. I recommended counseling , therapy , whatever it took … she was just not interested.

So when she first complained and asked for more attention from you, did you dismiss it and suggested she should find a job, or you were there for her, showing compassion and understanding? I think that if you want to heal the pain you are occasionally feeling, it would be important that you answer this question honestly for yourself…