Dear Lindsey:

My Friday is fine, thank you, didn’t sleep very well last night, feeling tired but fine. I can almost see in my mind’s eye, Ella cheering Aiden Saturday morning. The circus show sounds fun, pirates and mermaids!

“when I talk sometimes I think that other people know I’m different; that I have a mental illness“- I used to feel this way myself. From time to time such thoughts cross my mind, they are very unpleasant, but overall, I experience way less of that, and when I do- it is mild, not intense like it used to be.

“I don’t know if you could notice but I would say within the last month I was having a down cycle.  I believe it was one of the bad ones that usually only happens once a year maybe“- I didn’t  notice a down cycle, I thought of you as being sensible and in control of your behavior.

“2 weeks ago I started making impulsive decisions-I discussed texting and not making sense; seeming off and weird“- I think that you think that you seem weird to others, but.. it’s not really the case. Maybe you feel a certain way and you think it shows and others can see it, but they can’t, not any more than you see how they feel inside.

“My best friend could tell-he stated that I was being odd the past week or so“- maybe he saw you correctly, it doesn’t mean that others did, and it doesn’t mean that you seemed very odd (to him or to anyone).

“ that I seemed fixated on being lonely and continuing to message with the guy from the lake house.  Looking back I felt dull, bored, and wanted to something exciting to do-like get a tattoo, (in the past get on a dating website) etc.”- I am elaborating on the seeming-odd theme: it is not odd for a person to look for excitement when bored!

“While I am able to see clearly my behaviors“- I am getting more and more convinced that you see your behaviors as worse than they are: that you magnify your behaviors, in your own mind, and see them as odd or crazy… and in actuality, your behaviors are far from being as odd and crazy as you think they are.

“At this point I want to hide from people to a certain extent, no talk much“- because.. you mistakenly think that you seem odd and mentally ill, to others.

“I can tell you with certainty that I am love and attention deprived“- a non oddity, so many people are deprived of love and attention.

Overall, you will feel  better if you see yourself as you are: you are really not an oddity. This is my conclusion today!

anita