*continuation from the previous post*

I know i’ve said that i’m thankful that i can see life in a better picture than before…. And also you’ve advised me not to beat myself up due to regret.

I always feel like it’s unforgivable, i can’t repeat my teen days anymore…. I shouldn’t have wasted my days on that girl, i hangout with the wrong group of people, i even feel like i took the wrong degree….i feel no accomplishment with my degree at all.

But tbh at that period, i haven’t found this website yet… also i’m still so blinded with that girl…. Why can’t everything happen sooner?

Now i curse everybody who took part in my decision on choosing the wrong degree, also to anyone who used to support me with that girl….
I think it’s better being a lone wolf, as i wont get affected… because the more i get close to someone, the more i’ll get affected in choosing my decisions.

Also i’m so insecure back then, i even feel afraid to communicate with new people…. Why do i have to be like that, why can’t i mature sooner?

It’s also due to my parents, when i’m at the age to enter uni… my uni location was already decided by them, it was only 45 mins away from our city… i dont feel joy on the first day of my uni because i want to go abroad… but i’m still afraid back then to live alone… i was only 18.

I just can’t handle regret, i don’t think this is due to the saboteur… i think this is part of my personality. I don’t know how can i stop obsessing of this regret….

I do workouts everyday, learn chinese…. Yes i can feel satisfaction, but it can’t let go of the regret.