Dear Linarra:

I just read the beginning of your post: “I don’t think I would hate you. If you were able to make me take away so much of my habituation of her, it would mean I love you very much“, and my heart melted! I was worried.

“To lose this habituation takes love and comfort somewhere else.. I couldn’t hate you, for losing my comfort with the Monster… I feel love for you ,a lot”-

– I noticed when I posted to you earlier, when I said that I love our connection, I noticed right away that I used the word LOVE for the first time here, didn’t I. And now, here is that word, in your reply.

“but I also make the difference between this love and… the feeling of having a safe home, a familiar place where I belong. It takes more than love for a person I am afraid“- yes, it does.

“Even you managed to make me lose all my habituation through our conversation, I wouldn’t hold it against you. You are not responsible of how I cope or do not cope. And if our conversation makes me less comfortable with the monster, I’ll figure it out“-

– sometimes, a person who lives with a Monster becomes the opposite of a monster: a good person, a kind person, you.. being kind to me, rushing to prevent me from feeling bad, telling me that I am not responsible for what I am not responsible for.. telling me that you will figure it out, not to worry.. You are amazing, truly amazing. I am in awe.

“You wouldn’t be deserving of hate for that, you are way to kind and lovely“- and so are you!!!

“My suffering is my problem, I’ll have to find a healthy way to solve it. And a healthy way is definitely not hating someone who sincerely wish only good for me“- reading this just made me want to fly to France, thinking to myself that it  will be so worth it (for me)!

“I do not want my habituation to her (which she’s responsible of) or the loss of it to cause you harm such as the loss of our connection”– I ended my post to you yesterday, I think it was, with “beautiful Linarra”- your beauty is right here, in this sentence!

“I can’t help but still be doubtful at the easiness. My beliefs on the difficulty of it are strong, even if I see her as she is“- I can see now that I was overly simplistic when I suggested that it will be easy for you to leave her if you saw her and your situation as it is. It’s only a part of it.

“I am smiling. And I agree, it’s more interesting and beautiful! Trees with branches and leaves have… Life, beauty, a lot of interesting diversity and interactions as they go through the seasonal cycle. It’s really beautiful“- talking about trees and branches, I am going to go on my 5.5 km walk among the many thousands of trees, it is beautiful, I wish you joined me on my walk. It is getting close to midnight, your time. Good night, Linarra!

anita