Dear TeaK,

Thank you once again for ur reply.

“Now you’re saying that your only motivation would be because not many people take masters. This tells me you are motivated by low self-esteem and comparing yourself with others, and you think taking the masters degree will make you feel better. Well, it won’t, and I’ve explained it on page 5. You can go back and read it.“

= Yes you are right, i was motivated by low self-esteem… because i feel less with my bachelor degree…. 3 years ago before i choose my degree, i did a brainstorming session with myself to make sure that i dont take the wrong decision…. But it ended with me regretting it….
I asked my parents if i should feel less with my degree, they said it’s fine…. even people without degrees can succeed in life….

I think it’s because i used to succeed in my academics back when i was in primary school… i used to be a participant in a competition at my school, get good grades, i feel like i’m better than most of my peers…. But it went downhill in my high school, the subjects was too hard for me to handle and my grades dropped and i became a normal student…. Also at high school i developed my low self-esteem because my height is shorter than most of my male friends….

I always make sure every decision i made wouldnt be regretful, but ultimately i’ll end up feeling regret… idk why…

I want to be viewed as a person who’s good at something, i always lived my life following my peers, i had a very very low self confidence and also i’m sure most people doesn’t know what i’m good at, just a normal person without any special ability.

This is also why i wanna distance myself from any of my friends, i dont wanna end up getting influenced by them and living my life into following them again.

Right now i’m trying to learn to draw digitally… at least to make me good at something… i dont care anymore if what i’m drawing is cartoons, at least it’s better than following someone’s life only not to get judged.

i hope i can do it… because if i can draw and also learned chinese language, i can unlock myself with 2 abilities.

Is this the correct way of thinking? I need to be good at many things?

It’s the saboteur, i hate it… it keeps giving me endless list of regrets that i made in the past.

Most of my days are ups and down, sometimes the saboteur isnt there, but whenever i feel down it’ll appear and gain control of my head.

“I just want to add that I think your current plan of going to China for language learning is the best option at the moment, because it will give you the option of being away from home, living more independently from your parents, and exploring various possibilities for yourself. And it’s something your parents support and are willing to pay for. So I think it’s a great way to dip your toes into the independent life, and yet have the safety of your parents’ support, should you need it.“

= Yeah, as i wont take my masters… i think it’s the best plan for me to explore possibilities for myself….

I used to think that taking masters is a better achievement than language learning, do u think i’m wrong? As language learning is only a learning program whereas masters is higher than bachelor?