Hi Anita, I know what you are saying…ive looked for other jobs but they seem to be similar, . I seriously looked at another company about 6 months ago but it was just too much of a risk at the time to make the move. I just wasnt sure id make any money because of Covid.

But i know have to leave this job because my boss doesnt respect anything i do and honestly seems either jealous or angry with me for i dont know what.

Ive already been on sick leave before this and that was when i applied for the other job. The main problem for me is the language barrier, i can get by but im not as fluent as people demand..truth is, others will attest, when you live in a foreign country, they will never find your language good enough, its a matter of pride to find some fault. There is another foreign language i speak fluently but im still not accepted there either! However everyone thinks they can speak english, even when they cant.

Ive had previous experience of workplace bullying by my boss, so now of course i assume its all me, my fault. I think back then it started because i never objected but tried to do everything. i always said no problem, my workload increased and increased..eventually i was struggling, i asked for help and my boss told me no, repeatedly. i suffered a mental breakdown and was on sick leave for almost a year..my boss suffered a stroke and i think its likely he blamed me, he probably thought i would make a lawsuit but i was too sick for a long time. We had been going through a huge double audit, i was given a lot of extra work, unpaid, because he had fired an assistant we had. It was unfair on me but no one cared, i was part of a machine and i was a young woman. I emerged from the smoke with shattered self esteem and no chance to go further, i was given a job in a quiet corner out of harms way, people looked at me strangely and kept away. At the time i knew that part of my road to success was over. The job i was given was unfulfilling and eventually i quit when i couldnt stand any more, unfortunately it was right in the downturn of the economy and i ended up spending 2 years on employment benefits applying and never finding anything. I developed an anxiety about not having a job, understandably. I stayed in a depression but was lucky enough to find free therapy where i lived.

As a result of my past experiences, giving up my job is a scary prospect because i never got the self esteem back, i feel people dont really want me or respect me. When i have complained to my parents that i cant keep going on they are anxious that i dont quit more than anything else. So then i feel guilty and just keep going.

Today was a truly awful day, clients complaining left and right, somehow all involving me in some way but not my fault…and then the meeting as well. its so frustrating when i am doing my best to meet everyone elses needs.  It could be the moon and mercury retrograde for sure. But i just wish whatever it is would stop beating me up as it seems to target me every time.

If i could, i would leave straight away but i honestly dont know what to do, i dont have any savings..the life here sucks it up fast mainly because i live alone, it costs more. I could try and get a room mate. Other than that the only thing i could do would be to sell my apartment.

I want, for my colleagues to say something about this treatment. Its not right. I want my boss to realise her double standards. Just before i go, i want to make a really big sale…so that i can show them im good at what i do. I keep trying but it just happens to someone else instead. Im always struggling.