fbpx
Menu

Reply To: Feeling hurt

HomeForumsRelationshipsFeeling hurtReply To: Feeling hurt

#386581
Anonymous
Guest

Dear Ava:

You are welcome and than you for your kind words!

I guess a trouble with feelings is, one never knows if they are valid or not. When I experience them I double guess myself. Maybe they’re the result of my internal filter and experiences and they don’t really fit in with the “objective” reality, if there is such a thing even“- I used to be confused in this way for a long, long time. I am much clearer now in regard to Subjective Perception (SP) vs Objective Reality (OR)

The fact that he didn’t offer to pick you up from the airport- that’s OR. That you feel hurt and angry about it- these are your Valid Feelings, meaning your Subjective Perception FITS Objective Reality.

There is such a thing as Objective Reality, example, gravity: one can perceive that it doesn’t exist, jump off a cliff intending to fly (as people have done), but gravity will have the last word every time. It is true that in matters far less conclusive than gravity, everyone- to one extent or another (often when particularly distressed)- experiences a SP that doesn’t fit OR, sometimes not even close. This is why, when you perceive something about another person, but you are not sure: better ask that person a question so to prove or disprove your perception…(Of course, a person may not give you an honest answer).

One never knows if..  one response’s are skewed. As humans we respond subjectively“- the OR has no access to us except through our SP, through out brain where thoughts and emotions, beliefs and memories reside. True to each and every animal with a brain: no one get’s to experience reality directly. There is a way to learn and practice a better and better fit between OB and SP.

One never knows if one is truly fair to others“- I would like you to elaborate on this sometime, starting with perhaps, who was unfair to you when you were a child, yet.. you were not then, and still, you are not sure if he/ she really was unfair to you, we are confused about it (?)

To be honest I don’t even want to go anymore. I think it’s just going to be awkward sooner rather than later. If I don’t go, I’ll feel guilty”– I am guessing that you will feel that you would not be truly fair to him if you don’t go.

It’s too late. We made plans. The flight is early Saturday“- it’s not too late to cancel a bad plan, but we have to be clear that it’s a bad plan, rather than being confused about it.

Things get so complicated sometimes“- I know, but many complicated things can become surprisingly simple when we are no longer confused about them.

anita