Dear Neera:

“I still cannot help but relive a lot of those moments as a kid, teenager and even in my early 20s where I saw all these fights… I want to let go of my past in which I saw so much abuse but my mind will not let me.. How can I let it all go and just learn to be at peace with where I am now?“-

– to let go of a past where you saw and experienced so much domestic and emotional abuse, and to be at peace, your present-life has to be free of abuse. But the abuse is still happening in your life: “My family has changed and things have gotten better (less fights)“: less fights means that there are still fights happening currently in your life. For you to lessen your anxiety, you need to be exposed to no fights at all.

You can’t let go of a past that is still happening.

“I have a loving family.. my anxiety stems from growing up in an environment where I saw domestic abuse. I also dealt a lot with emotional abuse. Although I genuinely believe I have the most caring family, I still cannot help but relive a lot of those moments as a kid, teenager and even in my early 20s where I saw all these fights“-

– a child cannot benefit from familial love and care in between episodes of familial abuse. For a child to benefit, the love and care have to be  fairly consistent and dependable. Otherwise, the child will keep wondering: when is the next time a fight will break out.. when is the next time I will be emotionally abused? What do  I need to do so that it doesn’t happen? Etc.

“The issue is that now when things become stressful for any reason, for example my job gets intense or I am dealing with new life changes, I start to overthink like crazy. My mind is constantly running and assuming the worst. I feel stuck. I feel helpless. I want to escape my mind and silence my thoughts but its as if my body is frozen, I do not have control“-

– Currently, in your mid-twenties, you are re-experiencing what you experienced as a child and onward, when fights at home broke and emotional abuse took place: overthinking like crazy, mind running and assuming the worst, feeling stuck and helpless, frozen, not having control.

I am guessing that you are living with your family of origin?

anita