There are days when I think similar things you expressed in your post and fall into indifference

I once asked myself, what would life with no apathy would look like? Maybe not so different from now, maybe completely different, i might never know

Not giving advice

Its alright if you do, i don’t mind anymore.

Reading the rest of your replay, i didn’t understand it, all i saw were words next to each other, this is my main problem when i tried to read books, unless its a stroy or a normal talk book, i don’t process it, i tried to read very carefully, but no matter how much i repeat it i still end with the same result.

I think the main reason is that i just don’t care to process the words, i don’t do anything that a bit demanding to my mind, i get really tired if i do, and see no point.

You remember that scene from no country for old men at the oil store when he told him to call it?

The other day i just watched this scene, but i understood it more, im starting to think that i should do the same with my decisions, just call it, and let the luck decide, luck been deciding for my whole life, i hate luck, because its not in my control, i like to choose my decisions, but this seems like an illusion, it seems that when i face to options, i will probably choose one with comfortable outcome, maybe this is my problem, following my own fuc*ed up mind, i hate the idea that luck and randomness decided for me, on who i am and what i want and need, what my dreams, so i always dismissed such desires/needs/dreams, because “I” didn’t choose them, but i didn’t choose this desire to wanting control too, i didn’t choose to have this idea either, just another luck/randomness act,

Nowdays when i face with two decision, i just don’t choose, because i don’t have the enough information to choose, and thanks to apathy i don’t learn such information, i just ignore the whole decision, but then when im forced i go to the least painful one, surprising that this decision wasn’t the least painful one, gulit over taking this decision, i feel if i rewind the time and choose the other decision, i would still feel gulit.

Why not go all the way and be true to myself and let luck/randomness decide just like he has been all my life?

“You’ve been calling it your whole life, you just didn’t know it”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Murtaza.