Dear alesha:

You are welcome. I will first respond to your second post where you wrote: “I’m starting to find everyone attractive again now but I don’t know why, it’s like I find every girl attractive, where as, as many people have told me, if I was bisexual or lesbian I would have a type. Just like I do in boys, I also know it wouldn’t have happened overnight…I’m just hoping that it will ease off eventually because it’s stressing me out so much!!”-

-HOCD is not a sexual orientation. It is a form of OCD: an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: the Obsession (the O of the OCD) is about your sexual orientation. The obsession stresses you so much, and to ease your stress, you perform Compulsions (the C of the OCD).

The compulsions you have been performing so far: (1) going online, “doing all these quizzes to see if I’m bisexual.. researching and google“, including posting here on tiny buddha, (2) asking anyone and everyone willing to listen, online ang irl, including total strangers: am I lesbian? Am I bisexual? (“constantly needing reassurance that I’m not“).

Every time you get a reassurance, it makes you feel better, you then thank the person profusely (“thankyou so much for that., ,Thank you so much for your time and response it means so much to me!!.. thankyou so much“), next you obsess, feel stressed again and.. ask for reassurance yet again.

In your first post yesterday, you wrote: “I’m really sorry for bothering you“- people who answered you and reassured you over and over.. and over and over again, finally lost their patience with you, didn’t they.

In your recent post, you wrote: “as many people have told me, if I was bisexual or lesbian I would have a type. Just like I do in boys“- you wrote many people..  no matter how many people tell you that you are not a lesbian.. it does not reassure your obsessing mind for long.

This is the nature of OCD: the obsession is like an itch, when you ask for and receive a reassurance, it’s like you get your itch scratched and you say: thank you, thank you so much.. because (1) you are grateful for feeling better.. temporarily, (2) you want to motivate the person you are thanking to.. reassure you yet again, of the same thing.

I have seen a member here on tiny buddha post about his obsessions for years, getting his itches scratched, saying thank you, then presenting the same or different itch yet again.. getting that scratched and on and on forevermore. I no longer scratch anyone’s itches because it’s useless and I don’t like doing it.

And now to your first post: “I suffer with PTSD as I had to deal with bullying at school; I now get homeschooled and I’m a lot better in that respect. I’ve always suffered with anxiety it runs through my dads side of the family, it got worse when the bullying took place about a year ago, this went on for 4 months and ever since that I’ve had anxiety and PTSD. do you suggest any ways that might help me feel better? Or at least calm myself down”-

-(1) seek counseling/ psychotherapy in school in regard to your OCD, (2) download and listen to calming guided meditations several times a day, (3) make aerobic exercise part of your daily routine, and at times of greater stress do that exercise, (4) when you obsess, try to resist the compulsion to ask people irl and online if you are a lesbian, instead, take a few deep breaths, if you are sitting, get up and walk around,  and try to distract yourself in healthy ways such as #2 and #3 above, listening to music, studying, reading a book, having hot tea, a hot shower..(4) avoid toxic relationships and interactions with people, and get good at resolving conflicts with the people you should or must have in your life.

anita