Dear aphroitte1,

What I am interested in is how to heal from all these traumas and attachements? How can I and will I repair from these codepency issues? Is it possible to be a healthy normal person and not attract people that hurt you?

Yes, it’s definitely possible. I’ve done it, many people have done it. The quickest and most transformational way that I know of is healing the inner child. We as children have some basic emotional needs (to be loved, seen, validated, to feel special and important to our parents..), and if those are not met, we are left with an emotional wound. The wounded inner child is a part of us, who is looking for those needs to be met in our adult relationships. And the inner child wants those needs to be met by a person who reminds us of the parent who hurt us…. so that we could finally get what we’ve always longed for.

The way out is to basically become a good parent to ourselves. To give our own inner child what she hasn’t received properly from her parents. The first thing  is to give ourselves compassion and understanding. Instead of perhaps blaming and judging yourself for being so weak and dependent on other people, have compassion for yourself. Know that it’s your inner child who is needy. Would you judge a little girl for feeling afraid and needy and wanting to be loved? Of course not. So this is how you treat your own inner child: with lots of empathy, compassion, with lots of love and understanding. With lots of motherly energy.

I assume your mother wasn’t able to soothe you either, and give you the love and warmth that you needed (you said: I’ve never had close relationship with my parents and our love language is not physical touch at all. ) So now when you feel anxious and panicky that you’ll need to be alone, without a boyfriend, try to soothe that little girl who felt so alone, and tell her “I am right here with you, it’s going to be okay”. You can have a doll that represents you as a child, and hold her in your arms and caress her and soothe her.

I really don’t know how will I handle it but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

It’s great that you are aware that this is the way forward, and that you’re already working on helping yourself. This is your adult side, deciding to take action and help yourself. Wonderful. This adult part of you can help your inner child. So apart from journaling, you can get in touch with your inner child, talk to her, soothe her, encourage her, tell her she is beautiful and special, and that you love her very much. Do you think you could do that?