Dear Elizabeth,

I don’t know if you’ll be reading this, but I would like to say that I understand you and your motivations, and that I don’t think you deceived anybody here on purpose. I know that in case of trauma, people sometimes don’t remember exactly the timeline of their abuse, and have things mixed up in their memory in terms of what happened when. But besides the mixed up dates of when exactly you met Christopher and when exactly he broke up with you, I believe you told the truth of what happened, and that he indeed treated you badly and caused you a lot of suffering.

This doesn’t mean you had no part in creating the situation, because obviously you stayed with this guy, who wasn’t treating you well, and you had unprotected sex with him. But as I said before, you did it because you didn’t love and respect yourself enough, and you hoped that he might end up loving you and respecting you some day (which was the longing of your inner child). All that is a consequence of your childhood, of having being abused and put down by your parents, and developing a strong need to get love and validation from people who remind you of your parents.

That’s why you stayed in bad relationships, where you didn’t respect yourself, nor did the men you were with respect you. In the relationship with Christopher, you respected yourself so little that you 1) offered to hide from your family and the rest of the world that he is the baby’s father, and 2) you stayed with him even after his despicable behavior during your pregnancy and miscarriage. It was him who broke up with you eventually, not vice versa.

But it isn’t your fault because you didn’t know better – your own emotional wounds prevented you from standing up for yourself and leaving this selfish, callous man. I trust that you suffered greatly at the hands of this man, while at the same time being unable to untangle yourself and let him go. That’s why I must say I don’t agree with anita when she suggests you exaggerated some things – I don’t believe you did. Rather, you allowed bad things to happen to you because of your past wounding.

I do hope you continue to seek healing and deal with your childhood emotional wounds as well. If you ever wish to share your thoughts and feelings again, you are welcome.

Wishing you all the best!