Dear Rachal,

it’s understandable that you are upset and disgusted and feel disrespected, because asking such things of you is really disrespectful. He asks you to disassociate love and sex, and that it’s completely normal, whereas it is not normal at all:

he said no I dont want you to fall in love you will love me and only me please dissociate love and sex and I was like I cant for me sex comes only after I am in love I cant just have sex with anyone but he kept telling me like its normal and fine

It’s not normal, although perhaps it is for him. Does he separate love from sex? Is he perhaps having sex with other women beside you, or watches porn, or something like that? I am not suggesting he is, but simply that if this is what he believes, perhaps he doesn’t or wouldn’t have a problem being unfaithful to you either.

he apologised and said these are just fantasies and he wouldnt ask me to actually go out and do it he said he just wants to play it in his head like a roleplay and he wouldn’t ask me to do anything I am not confortable with.

Well, pleading you to do it and convincing you it’s normal sounds like he really wanted you to do it. At least a part of him did. I believe he’d need to see a therapist and figure out what lies behind those fantasies, because I imagine that they won’t go away. Specially if you get married and have children, he’ll be under even more stress, and you said that stress is what triggers his sexual fantasies. So if he learned to self-soothe through sex and sexual fantasies, including those that are disrespectful and humiliating to you, it’s something he’d need to work on in therapy. If I were you, I’d talk with him about it and demand that he deals with those issues before you get married.