Dear sossi:

Good to read from you again, and I get your point about being anxious, irritated, tired and being drained by everything.  A human being needs positive connections with people, otherwise the person gets anxious. A dog is a social animal: with no positive connections with other dogs or with people, the dog gets anxious, irritated, barks a lot and eventually gets drained and depressed. When a healthy dog positively connects with another dog, or with person, its tail wags because its energy is renewed and refreshed, energized by the positive connection. Same with humans, being the social animals that we are. We are not meant to live in either social isolation or in a situation where we experience only neutral and negative social connections. We need positive social connections to calm our anxiety and energize us.

You are experiencing negative social connections with people you work with and with neighbors (“people pulling and pushing to get what they want… noisy neighbors, competitive colleagues”), and no positive connections with family members (“my sister seems distant and has not reached out at all to me for over a year… I’m still angry with my parents and also my sister, for their lack of care”), no boyfriend in your life, no real friends as far as I know.. so no wonder you are anxious, irritated and drained.

Trying to find positive social connections with your mother and siblings seems like a lost cause. But there is hope for you to positively connect with new people in your life, people “who do deserve attention and kindness”, like you wrote. You have to find a way to make it happen!

anita