Dear Javier:

You are very welcome.

“The mornings are the worse for me… Did you struggle in the mornings? If so, how are your mornings now?“- for me, mornings were always the better part of the day, and afternoons and evenings often difficult. I still prefer the mornings but when I get to socialize with people I enjoy in the afternoons- I enjoy the afternoons and look forward to them.

“Do you feel any kind of numbness and hopelessness?“- some, in regard to hopeless situations like climate change and my own aging, but not acutely, not intensely like before, not in that urgent, the-world-is-ending-right-here-and-now-someone-help-me-now!!! kind of way.

“And how do you feel when you think back to the days of emptiness? Do you feel that you ‘wasted’ time for no reason, or have you just accepted that as part of the ‘healing process’?“- looking back, I’ve been painfully aware all along that I wasted a whole lot of time and a whole lot of life that I didn’t get to live. I was full of regrets and torment.

I used to think that of my peers (people about my age), I was the only one wasting so much, the only miserable one, the unfortunate exception to the rule, and so I was disconnected from other people, not feeling like one of them and I was alone and lonely.

Fast forward, I know that I am not an abnormal case, that Wasting time and resources is (unfortunately) the Norm in human life, and that I am therefore not different from other people. I feel that we people are all in the same boat. This makes me feel empathy for other people (instead of anger at them and at the unfairness of being the exception). I feel connected to other people, no longer disconnected and alienated. It is the genuine, honest connection itself with other people that makes for better mental health.

anita