(Note for Helcat: you can write the rest of the message you wanted Helcat. This message is for anita)

Hi anita, it’s Ivygrl again.

How are you today, I’m good. But I have questions to ask you, when you don’t mind answering.
How can I have a good quality of life back? And how can I stop endangering my family members and friends? Even if I have autism? I cannot go outside once a day because of school and my home, and strict rules about when to go outside or not, and I am not a person who knows how to travel too well on streets yet.
I worry very much that since my mom is strict with behavior and responsibilities, she doesn’t want to hear me cry in those unnecessary situations. She doesn’t want to see me upset, she wants to see me happy. She just doesn’t want to hear me scream while crying in punishment situations. And I have wish : to be permanently, optimistically happy.
But I have 3 problems I need lots of help with:
1. I want to write and draw stuff but I don’t know how to put my gel pens and pencils on paper? What can I do and what do you do to draw and doodle stuff on paper? I get so scared of ruining stuff, I want to make things perfect, when I know perfection doesn’t exist in art. What could I do with my gel pens and sketchbook and blank sheet of papers then?
2. How can I ever stop being frustrated and weak as an autistic individual? I know that there are only two strengths: mental strength and physical strength. And to be strong you have to push yourself really hard to the point of burnout. And to never argue, because then you will complain, blame others, make excuses, and who knows what else?! I stick to push myself really really hard and be successful now or else you are the weak one. Also I have no idea the difference between complaining,blaming, and making excuses, I know those are forms of “surviving” then failing. Also how am I failing, and how can I succeed with patience and avoid all those problems I’ve been suffering and dealing with? I’m not patient and I really want to be too, to permanently become strong. I don’t know what goals I want, but I want to make my area when I am at home autistic-friendly and non-arousal. I can also try to at least give myself more exercise, and draw stuff when I get a chance.
3. How can I be more assertive without hurting anyone’s feelings? I feel like anything I want to say will cause problems and concern with the people I enjoy and trust, and I want to make more friends in person, but I cannot make enough friends in person and the only friends I ever have are adults, and all adults I talk to who are friends with me are either serious and can be mean to me and enforce my limits when I’m punished , -or- they are kind, friendly and do not enforce much, when it’s their job to enforce and I like the nice adults more than the mean adults.

Based on my understanding, in the situation I am in an autistic situation where certain lighting and loud noises -also known as “arousal levels” – besides the autism itself, can cause problems to an autistic individual followed by stressful tasks and multitasking and other stressful/“ unnecessary” and imperfect? I agree that it’s true in several ways. I mean, I did notice I hate when people snap their fingers or shout very loudly and it’s annoyingly annoying. I beginning to notice my family isn’t too autistic friendly, even though my family actually loves me and stuff. They don’t tell the truth at times to the therapists or counselors that I really hate noises or lights that I hate all the time. I hate scary dark soothing voices too, especially ones that help me calm down. Or hypnotic voices. It’s creepy and kinda scary.
“Back to the first website I mentioned, it reads that a root cause for these challenging behaviors in individuals on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder is HIGH AROUSAL LEVELS, meaning that lights or sounds that don’t feel too bright or too loud to people with low/ average arousal levels, feel too bright and too loud and therefore, too distressing to people with high arousal levels.”
For the second part I kind of get it, but how can I control my challenging excess stress and tension behaviors? I can’t multitask too well and if I any routine changes then I would have problems getting used to it as said in the previous message. How can I take one step at a time when I’m told to do too many things now? I stick to the saying “deal with everything now, and do not ask you teachers for help or tell the truth until you need it” because I’m scared but sometimes I fear my teachers cannot be comfortable with me. I want to be better and successful so that I can get a scholarship in one year, and I want to be enough!! What can I do now?
“Also, bodily discomforts such as perspiring or being constipated bother people with high arousal levels a whole lot more than it bothers people with low/ average arousal levels. Same things with emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness, etc., these bother people with high arousal levels much more than they bother people with low/ average arousal levels.
The extra anxiety, tension and distress that highly aroused person feel leads to some of these challenging behaviors, behaviors that are aimed at relieving and releasing the anxiety, tension and distress.
In addition to the above, these challenging behaviors may be sometimes motivated by a desire for positive or negative attention, a desire to avoid something you don’t want to do, or a situation you don’t want to be in, etc.”
Hope you send me back a message.
From, Ivygrl.