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Ivy

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 30 total)
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  • #419025
    Ivy
    Participant

    Hi there. Ivygrl again.

    First of all, I feel better. My problem turns out to be misconcepted. Based on the very first message in the forum, my Mom, stepfather, and I were upset that day, my original caretaker actually was a mean, harsh person (the thing i did not notice was that she had a harsh issue and obviously she had a boyfriend who has had problem with her in her life and complained and wasn’t successful. My original caretaker Made me cry a lot as well in the library). And she was kicked out and banned from my caretaker list right after the incident, and that’s why i wrote the very first message forum. I also did get punished at the Time. But i was so upset and stressed and stubborn and didn’t know how to change at the Time.

    And yes i do have autism, and some adhd issues, But my problem now isn’t about autism. It’s about my lack of proper Attitude that caused myself problems. I was so upset and angry i didn’t know how to Let go and become a better person. But my teachers are trying to help me.

    Second, I also want to know that i have a brain problem where i can’t always get what i want. How do i fix and mend this problem realisticly and not creaste tantrums? Other than that, i’m going to try to make my own stories, and have fun.

    I am so sorry i was upset and mean. Can you forgive me? I have my own future and dream to realize, But i want to be better and More flexible. I want to do More yoga and savasana. I’m sorry . I hope you are fine and i want to be happy and not bored. Btw, moved to a new apartment (not gonna Tell you where though).

    Thirdly, i’m in a new apartment. I feel better But i’m scared of being an outsider at my new job program site, when i finish senior year of my high school. I want to be happy and not sad. What should i do now to be on a better Path?

    By the way i’ll make my own journals and diaries private, because i don’t want then to laugh at me and think my stories are trash. These journals i Will make them into comics. I won’t publish anything until i practice a lot. How should i practice.

    I got this , and i can rise again.
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>From, Ivygrl.</p>
     

    #412996
    Ivy
    Participant

    On New Years Eve yesterday, I was really sad and really in depression. I learned this year, that I not only have autism (it’s part of the problem, but not a complete factor), I also have depression and former ADHD. This helps, but I’m sorry I took this too far. No one will ever be happy with me anymore. And if  anyone will like me, I promise I will leave you alone for now.
    No one will forgive me if I’m this disappointed. And they are right, I am weak. Yesterday, my stepdad was so angry that he knocked over my books from my table and wanted to use a knife to kill me. I am so defenseless, my stepdad was strong enough to bruise my arm and knock me down. What’s his idiot deal? I just want to go outside and hide in a hole and give up all life, and live in a house. I’m 18! Maybe I don’t deserve to survive. I failed making my family happy!

    Does anyone know a book called “The Power of your subconscious mind” book by Joseph Murphy and “The Success Principles For Teens” by Jack Canfield ? I need help, because I know nothing on how to stop making my subconscious mind negative. I tried to think positive. But smiling din’t work, and I’m worried that my parents and my life are always right and it’s always my fault. I was the one who caused my stepdad to be angry and crush over books, I was the one who stole money at school, I was the perfect person who went to a one day suspension, I was the one who keeps “whining and crying”, and I was the one who keeps avoiding my friends to find better writing advice than them. These moments have to be permanently erased. I have to stop existing like this, it’s out of my control!!!!!! It’s always going to be my fault. So they are moments in my life that can never be taken off. Well, I want them to be taken off, of my life and body!!!

    How can I stop blaming and complaining about others? I’m jealous of other people doing better than me with art and writing on Twitter and other sites!! People complain and it’s their fault that they started them, without those complainers dead and in existing, life will better! How can I stop blaming and complaining?

    The people who hate me are out of my control!

     

    #412932
    Ivy
    Participant

    I can get help, if I BEILEVE!

    #412930
    Ivy
    Participant

    Then I’m afraid this leads me to no choice. If I don’t get the help I want, then what am I going to do? Since this is out of my control, I’m going to find all the viewers and yelp for help!

    @HoneyBlossom , @Myjourney , @QMS , @Helcat !!! This is important to know! Where are you what is your advice for this type of situation? Why are you guys getting away from me. This isn’t a joke or an offense!

    Help! So people do want to ignore me!! Please listen, I’m not a bad guy. I’m so upset and angry, that I just wanted some help, read this scenario and PLEASE RESPOND!

    There is a site I went to at one point, called YWS aka “Young Writers Society”.
    ( https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/index.php ) . But they restricted me and banned me out of the site indefinitely and permanently. And It was all my fault. My relationships from that site involved pimping, spamming, and trying to get friends that understand my questions in MY ANGLE, to get help that I need for my writing. I have (and have had) writer’s fatigue, writer’s block, and felt like I got an empty, sad, black hole anytime I enter this site. When I learned about the permanent ban in my account, It’s was so jarring and upsetting, I cried and wished I would run inside a hole and quit. And even wish to die and commit suicide myself. One I see this website, I get in tears and cry like a baby wanting something. It bothers me, because no one likes me in this site and they me to quit entering. I will never remove this memory, I will just dig a straight hole and hurt myself if I can’t figure out a solution to forgive. Affirmations and positive thinking won’t help, it’s going to be too strong to control.

    Every time I’m entering this site, I am digging an even bigger hole in the spot I’m digging at with a machine drill. What am I supposed to do? ANY ADVICE? TIPS? IDEAS?

    #412929
    Ivy
    Participant

    Ok then , I’m sorry

    #412925
    Ivy
    Participant

    Help! So people do want to ignore me!! Please listen, I’m not a bad guy. I’m so upset and angry, that I just wanted some help, read this scenario and PLEASE RESPOND!

    There is a site I went to at one point, called YWS aka “Young Writers Society”.
    ( https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/index.php ) . But they restricted me and banned me out of the site indefinitely and permanently. And It was all my fault. My relationships from that site involved pimping, spamming, and trying to get friends that understand my questions in MY ANGLE, to get help that I need for my writing. I have (and have had) writer’s fatigue, writer’s block, and felt like I got an empty, sad, black hole anytime I enter this site. When I learned about the permanent ban in my account, It’s was so jarring and upsetting, I cried and wished I would run inside a hole and quit. And even wish to die and commit suicide myself. One I see this website, I get in tears and cry like a baby wanting something. It bothers me, because no one likes me in this site and they me to quit entering. I will never remove this memory, I will just dig a straight hole and hurt myself if I can’t figure out a solution to forgive. Affirmations and positive thinking won’t help, it’s going to be too strong to control.

    Every time I’m entering this site, I am digging an even bigger hole in the spot I’m digging at with a machine drill. What am I supposed to do? ANY ADVICE? TIPS? IDEAS? THE MORE I ENTER THIS SITE, THE MORE TEARS I GET? ONCE YOU CRY YOU ARE WEAK AND NO ONE EVER BELIEVES YOU? RIGHT? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE  REPLY? I’M 18! NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS ARE COMING UP AND THEY ARE HERE!! I’M WAITING!

     

    PLZ HURRY UP!

    #412921
    Ivy
    Participant

    Here are my critiques for my short stories I wrote and they were from bad to worse. I cannot reply to them back because my account was banned! They even restricted access using this:

    YWS Restricting Error page

    Cute Dagashiya story: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=154117

     

    please help me! This site is out of my control and I want to ignore this site permanently from my brain!! Please read the reviews and tell me what do you think of my story!!! Please!

     

     

     

    #412923
    Ivy
    Participant

    Where are you people? Why am I always alone!

    #412920
    Ivy
    Participant

    Just give me an answer already!! From, Ivygrl.

    #412919
    Ivy
    Participant

    Ok, when I mean pimping I meant to say this: “The act of singling out one person of the group and testing their knowledge by asking them a series of intense, difficult questions in front of everyone.”

    Or in my own words, asking questions to others that are not easy to answer and they don’t answer in my angle and want me out of here. That’s why the banned me permanently out of YWS and It was my fault.

    #412915
    Ivy
    Participant

    Hi guys,
    It’s @Ivygrl, I’m sorry I didn’t return for a while.

    There is a site I went to at one point, called YWS aka “Young Writers Society”.
    ( https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/index.php ) . But they restricted me and banned me out of the site indefinitely and permanently. And It was all my fault. My relationships from that site involved pimping, spamming, and trying to get friends that understand my questions in MY ANGLE, to get help that I need for my writing. I have (and have had) writer’s fatigue, writer’s block, and felt like I got an empty, sad, black hole anytime I enter this site. When I learned about the permanent ban in my account, It’s was so jarring and upsetting, I cried and wished I would run inside a hole and quit. And even wish to die and commit suicide myself. One I see this website, I get in tears and cry like a baby wanting something. It bothers me, because no one likes me in this site and they me to quit entering. I will never remove this memory, I will just dig a straight hole and hurt myself if I can’t figure out a solution to forgive. Affirmations and positive thinking won’t help, it’s going to be too strong to control.

    Every time I’m entering this site, I am digging an even bigger hole in the spot I’m digging at with a machine drill. What am I supposed to do?

    The good news is I decided to go to Reddit and discord for better help instead of YWS .

    For New Years resolutions:
    – Goal 1 is to make my own regular American novels and make my own Original English Light Novels (based on Asian Light Novels). And maybe I can make drawings and comics on the side, when I’m not working on light novels.

    – Goal 2 is to work to receive achieving grades for my report cards and achieve my classwork and homework at school to get free time.

    – Goal 3 is to practice and play the ukulele. And Goal 4 is to play my new limited edition Uno game (The Uno artiste Takashi Murakami limited edition game, that my mom gave me) with my friends.

    I don’t know how to achieve Goal 1 and Goal 2 for the New Years resolution yet. What should I do?

    And I almost forgot I’m now 18 years old because my birthday came and years passed when I didn’t go back to this site for a while, because in the previous years I was 16-17 y.o.
    If you want to be my friend, hit me up! And if you want, we can chat in Google chat, email, Reddit, and/or discord.

    Maybe my family is right, they will never relax for me, and think I don’t need help. My stepdad becoming worse at jokes, and I’m angry at him, if he keeps farting at my brother I desperately want to hide into a hole and the give up.
    From, @Ivygrl . Please if anyone NEW is here, please respond to my message. that includes YOU, @Helcat !

     

    #410037
    Ivy
    Participant

    Hi anita,
    The danger is that I’m almost 18 years old. My birthday is coming up on the last day of November. I can’t even live my life to the fullest. I’m sad and scared I don’t what to do when I get older. I have huge breakdowns of my life. I felt so esopolistic I don’t know where to go, where to visit, or what to do to live my life to the fullest. I need to do something fun, but how can I do that? I’m almost 18 and It’s my last year in high school (senior year). What can I do? If I’m half empty, then that means I’m a failure, so there’s no way I prove to others I can make good short stories. What am I doing wrong? Why am I repeating this happy-sad-happy-sad pattern of life every time? Can you help me? I’m losing my self esteem, and I keep getting a big lack of replies. It always has to be based on me, and my behaviors are not easy to handle. What can I do?

    from, Ivygrl.

     

    #410029
    Ivy
    Participant

    Hi it’s Ivygrl,

    my life is in danger“- can you tell me, Ivygrl, what you mean by this sentence?

    @anita , this is for you, please respond immediately, I have depression and no one is ever happy with me. In my mind my mind is a scary jury trial that always right. I’m always bum  and never right. I am improving in one way because I found the error in my ways, and I’m feeling better. But what about my future? I want to be a better writing but what if I’m never enough? I’m esopolistic and have a half empty glass. Whatever does that mean?

    I find some of your wording (choice of words) endearing in its originality: “I’m trying to ignore any baby cries that I always do” (Nov 12, 2022). It reminds me of another expression from your original post, almost a year ago: “I was with my caregiver but I felt sad and did whining, crying, and wailing habits with my mouth within” (Dec 19, 2021). I never asked you what you mean by mouth within. Can you tell me?

    – By “mouth within” and the quote I did from 2021 , I meant to say I was with my former caregiver at that time, and I was really upset and very sad (because I cried tears). Once I cry with tears and start yelling and screaming while crying, no one will ever like me, that’s what my family and other people that I know believe. Crying while yelling = loser/outsider.

    I want to be the most powerful girl being on earth! I failed, Because I’m not strong enough and I give up very easily!

    I need help! Please! I’m not good enough! I’m so vulnerable in front of my family it’s like a mix of the saddest parts in Enchanto 2022 movie and the scariest part of 22 in the movie Soul.

    I am weak! please help me. there is this wording phrase about the subconscious mind that says “you have a glass that is half empty/half full”. What does that mean?

    please help I have autism, depression, and some types of anxiety disorders that I do not know the names of. I’m never good enough. I thought I loved to write until my passion diminished and stopped making me happy (thanks to my burnout issues and my scary cursed depression).

    I’m ready to improve my writing. How can I ever be the most famous writer that I want to be?

    I was indefinitely banned from the young writer’s society (YWS) because of my harassing and spams. I quit my form of writing (horror) and I knew I’m never good enough, because I’m weak. I want to write comedy (lighthearted). I’m a cursed person, because my mom knows the future. I am always angry and tense, and once no one listens I fight back and become even angrier and more tense, because no one will ever listen to my problems and I want to be a famous writer when I grow up. I’m going to be 18 years old soon, and if no one solves my problems, what would I become? A monster! That’s what!

    How can I be a happy better person? How can I permanently be the best writer ever? How can I raise my confidence, self esteem, and start getting people to love me forever? How do I write comedy? How do I make everyone happy with my writing? How can I ever be half full in my drinking glass? How can I ever change my life in happier and positive ways?

    Please help me and write down in the comments!

    from, Ivygrl.

    #410019
    Ivy
    Participant

    To @anita, @My journey , @Helcat,

    I’m angry and upset. Please help my Twitter account is being ignored for way too long. I’m so powerless, why am I always alone? My parents never supported me enough.
    They want me to be perfect! That’s why I’m trying to ignore any baby cries that I always do. I’m depressed, and my problem is actually not from the autism, it’s kind of helpful. the real problem is that it’s coming from my depression issues, behaviors, and the many anxiety disorders (according to my legal guardianship evaluation) I do not know the names of. I am so angry because my teacher did notice the TinyBuddha account I went into and it’s not fair. And I’m also angry and upset because I want to choose one thing: to be a better writer, or a better manga artist and I don’t feel like doing both. I choose to be a better writer, artist, and cook.
    I’m gaining weight, like my stepdad, and I do not want to gain weight. My family always blames and complains about me now, because I’m now responsible and I’m supposed to do everything they do and help my family when I grow older. I’m almost 18 years old. You can reply here Anita and everyone else, and I won’t reply here very much because I know my school is spying on every device they have at my house! I’m using my new tablet the school gave to me, because my other tablet broke thanks to me and my stepdad…

    my life is in danger, please reply back!

    from, Ivygrl.

     

    #407245
    Ivy
    Participant

    Hi again, it’s Ivygrl.


    @anita
    and @Helcat, I need your advice, everyone else can (newbies welcome as well!) tag along too.

    Sorry about the previous message. I was upset last time, because of a Fiction Writing story forum website did a permanent ban with my account. I wanted to learn how to write in a journal and learn how to write stories, but I spam and harass at that site because no one takes me seriously. It’s freaking me out last time, and no one listens to what I want to say, and even if they do listen, they think I’m not good enough or worthy. They think of me as unnecessary and average. No one can even stand up for what I have to say.

    An average day for me now is that, I either stay at home and not go outside, unless there’s an event or a chance to let me go to the library with my new caregiver. And that still doesn’t give me a chance to have more fun, and enjoy life, because I have to use a tablet and no phone. And my family does like me, and they always think life is worse when I’m disappointed. It’s like they know that when there’s a monster pooping on you, it means “bad luck”. It makes no sense!! when there’s one person at school crying, it’s like they know a secret about crying that can help you fit in and not spread negativity! What could that secret be? Are they wizards who knows better than me? That’s how I feel. I am just an average person at school with autism. An so far I have no doctor who can help me figure out my conditions!!!

    For an average day of my school days, I have to go to school in a school bus at 6:30 AM and go back home by school bus before 3:00 PM. School classmates are usually better than me, and a student I maybe like always has to follow my every lead like she’s the BABY and I’m the MOM. I’m not a baby I am better than her, but I can’t tell her this. If my teachers hear me say anything negative to students, I’m a loser and I’m in big trouble because I know I’m not supposed to bully others, but I’m sick of letting my ‘friend’ follow me every time. What do you think I should do? I live in a “Special Education” school program, which has a room that I always go in. I’m jealous of the other students at school because most of them are A students, and they can go to college, can go outside more to get drinks at Starbucks, or go to get a delicious Mexican empanada (because there are restaurants and food stores nearby my school), and they win at school contests or school assignment challenges. I want to win school contests and challenges like these people. And I am smart, but I lose in these contests or challenges. How do I win???

    by the way, the “opinion based, specific” formats I want so desperately, are that I need YOUR opinion, and it has to be detailed because no one give my answer the proper angle in want it to be. They also have to give me advice based on those questions! The advice has to be in a long message format, not short and boring.

    When I interact with people, I am fine, I don’t cry or be rough. I don’t want to cause conflict with others at school, because once you are in trouble at school, it’s too late. I’m either passive or passive-aggressive. And I don’t have time to be too assertive to others when I’m upset.

    Also, do you have any journaling advice and ideas on how to be comfortable with a journal and making comics? I like Youtubers, but no one in Twitter or Youtube ever likes me. And when I ask for twitter info, they refuse to listen. I really need help with this, what can I do so that I can be a better writer and comic artist? Besides the story I wrote one time???

    I don’t know how to stop being hard on myself, and I don’t know how to start acceptance. It’s getting out of my control. What can I do?

    Please help me, and remember I want specific and detailed answers,  and answer my questions!

    Thank you, From, Ivygrl.

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