Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→My nightmarish day. I want to have a strong heart and a strong future
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Helcat.
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September 1, 2022 at 3:02 pm #406425
HelcatParticipantHi Ivygrl!
You made a mistake but learning from it is the most important thing that you can do. Please do not stress yourself about it.
I understand what it is like to be poor. There are alternatives to stealing though. You could go to a library and borrow books for free legally or download e-books to read.
If you have an impulse and know that it is wrong but you don’t know how to figure out a solution yourself I would recommend asking an adult about it.
From a moral perspective, I wonder what was the donated money for? What was the school planning on spending it on?
Thinking that you would be happy and that no one would notice is where you misunderstood the consequence. When money is stolen, it will always generally be noticed.
The following potential consequences of stealing $60 are not to scare you. They are just to help you understand.
For children, if committed on school grounds it is up to the school if they wish to press charges. There is a prison for children that commit crimes called juvenile detention. But I think most schools would probably opt for a longer suspension. Repeating this behaviour may face expulsion or prosecution.
For adults in America, they can be jailed for up to a year and potentially fined for $1000 as well. Another impact of this crime, is that it can be hard to find a job afterwards.
If you work hard to understand consequences for various issues you face by asking lots of questions. I think you will find that as you learn you start to make better choices and people will not feel the need to remind you of previous mistakes.
Wishing you all the best! 🙏
September 15, 2022 at 3:22 pm #406996
IvyParticipantHi there, It’s Ivygrl,
Before I start, I need your advice to be in a longer, opinion based, and specific written format because I prefer those messages better.
I’m happy with the first weeks of school, but I am worried, because I really want to visit places alone, and get a phone. But due to my consequences it won’t happen. I quit making my dreams come true. No one in Twitter ever likes me, and it’s time to tell you this but I don’t know anything about what I really want. My mom says I’m not good enough at reading books because the internet is ruining my life. She said if I don’t read, and keep reviewing the internet, I failed to be a better person. And you’re right, @Helcat, maybe it is my fault, and taking my title of “my fault” is something I cannot fix, because my mind is like a trial/jury and I’m always scared and anxious and jealous and upset. I work hard and don’t make many friends, because I can’t fit in or become social enough. I’m scared because if I do the wrong thing, like cry, scream, steal, be rough, scream at friends, or just get out of school, I’m in huge trouble. I have to get a phone now just like everyone else or it will be too late, but since I can’t do that, I quit.
I have to tackle tough issues like “Allegory of the Cave” from Plato, or that article about doctors (or creative people) trying to sew patients (or items) but can’t, because they use smartphones or internet too much, and lost all confidence in sewing the patient. You get all this, right??????
I don’t like horror stories anymore, because they are too scary. But now, I do like different genres: comedy, slice of life fiction, adventure, and fantasy. I also like classic books. I want to make my stories and turn them into short stories but I don’t know what to do now, because I’m not a good reader at YA books. I’m just better a shorter novels, or short stories, or…just novels or graphic novelist comic/webtoon comic art.
1. WHAT CAN I DO SO THAT I CAN JOURNAL???? I’m scared of the blank pages and I cannot write anything down! And my journal is JUSTR A PAPER JOURNAL!!!! Please please please answer my question! I’m panicking here and that’s what my life is like: people avoiding my life!! Ands please make it specific!!
2. What can i do to get what I want? I always get nothing rather than something. Because I am invisible in real life.
Please Help!!!
From, Ivygrl
September 15, 2022 at 9:17 pm #407000
AnonymousGuestDear Ivy:
“Before I start, I need your advice to be in a longer, opinion based, and specific written format because I prefer those messages better”- you seem to be unsatisfied with the format of the replies you received, and assertive about the kind of replies-format that you would like instead. Can you explain to those who wish to reply to your satisfaction, what you mean by “an opinion based. and specific written format”?
anita
September 16, 2022 at 5:16 am #407002HelcatParticipantHi Ivygrl
I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with some tough emotions and feel invisible.
Personally, I feel like your mom is wrong about reading online. I do most of my reading exclusively online, is an excellent resource.
Regarding the journal, you manage to write here. A journal would be very similar except perhaps you don’t share it with others.
It sounds like you could have some impulse control issues. I would imagine though that sometimes you do successfully control them.
I would imagine that not every time you interact with someone you would cry, or scream, or be rough. Perhaps these things only happen when things build up and become too much to cope with? I would imagine something similar happened with stealing?
When you are someone who makes mistakes it is important to apologize to make up for the mistakes. People will give you some leeway because of your condition. But your good behaviour outside of when you lose control can help a lot. People will learn that you are a good person who sometimes struggles.
I disagree that these things are your fault or unfixable. You are learning and growing up, things will get easier to manage in time. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You are judging yourself by your most challenging moments. What is an average day for you?
September 20, 2022 at 9:12 am #407245IvyParticipantHi again, it’s Ivygrl.
@anita and @Helcat, I need your advice, everyone else can (newbies welcome as well!) tag along too.Sorry about the previous message. I was upset last time, because of a Fiction Writing story forum website did a permanent ban with my account. I wanted to learn how to write in a journal and learn how to write stories, but I spam and harass at that site because no one takes me seriously. It’s freaking me out last time, and no one listens to what I want to say, and even if they do listen, they think I’m not good enough or worthy. They think of me as unnecessary and average. No one can even stand up for what I have to say.
An average day for me now is that, I either stay at home and not go outside, unless there’s an event or a chance to let me go to the library with my new caregiver. And that still doesn’t give me a chance to have more fun, and enjoy life, because I have to use a tablet and no phone. And my family does like me, and they always think life is worse when I’m disappointed. It’s like they know that when there’s a monster pooping on you, it means “bad luck”. It makes no sense!! when there’s one person at school crying, it’s like they know a secret about crying that can help you fit in and not spread negativity! What could that secret be? Are they wizards who knows better than me? That’s how I feel. I am just an average person at school with autism. An so far I have no doctor who can help me figure out my conditions!!!
For an average day of my school days, I have to go to school in a school bus at 6:30 AM and go back home by school bus before 3:00 PM. School classmates are usually better than me, and a student I maybe like always has to follow my every lead like she’s the BABY and I’m the MOM. I’m not a baby I am better than her, but I can’t tell her this. If my teachers hear me say anything negative to students, I’m a loser and I’m in big trouble because I know I’m not supposed to bully others, but I’m sick of letting my ‘friend’ follow me every time. What do you think I should do? I live in a “Special Education” school program, which has a room that I always go in. I’m jealous of the other students at school because most of them are A students, and they can go to college, can go outside more to get drinks at Starbucks, or go to get a delicious Mexican empanada (because there are restaurants and food stores nearby my school), and they win at school contests or school assignment challenges. I want to win school contests and challenges like these people. And I am smart, but I lose in these contests or challenges. How do I win???
by the way, the “opinion based, specific” formats I want so desperately, are that I need YOUR opinion, and it has to be detailed because no one give my answer the proper angle in want it to be. They also have to give me advice based on those questions! The advice has to be in a long message format, not short and boring.
When I interact with people, I am fine, I don’t cry or be rough. I don’t want to cause conflict with others at school, because once you are in trouble at school, it’s too late. I’m either passive or passive-aggressive. And I don’t have time to be too assertive to others when I’m upset.
Also, do you have any journaling advice and ideas on how to be comfortable with a journal and making comics? I like Youtubers, but no one in Twitter or Youtube ever likes me. And when I ask for twitter info, they refuse to listen. I really need help with this, what can I do so that I can be a better writer and comic artist? Besides the story I wrote one time???
I don’t know how to stop being hard on myself, and I don’t know how to start acceptance. It’s getting out of my control. What can I do?
Please help me, and remember I want specific and detailed answers, and answer my questions!
Thank you, From, Ivygrl.
September 20, 2022 at 10:27 am #407246AnonymousGuestDear Ivygrl:
Good to read from you again, Ivygrl.
Five days ago, I asked you: “Can you explain to those who wish to reply to your satisfaction, what you mean by ‘an opinion based. and specific written format’?” and in your post today you answered my question: “the ‘opinion based, specific’ formats I want so desperately, are that I need YOUR opinion, and it has to be detailed because no one give my answer the proper angle (I) want it to be. They also have to give me advice based on those questions! The advice has to be in a long message format, not short and boring… I want specific and detailed answers, and answer my questions!”
Okay, Ivygrl, I’ll try (I’ll use BIG PRINT at times, hoping that it will make my reply less boring):
“a forum website did a permanent ban with my account… I spam and harass at that site because no one takes me seriously“- my STRONG OPINION is that no one should spam and harass people on any site as well as in real-life.
“When there’s one person at school crying, it’s like they know a secret about crying that can help you fit in and not spread negativity! What could that secret be? Are they wizards who knows better than me?“- the secret may be to cry but to CONTAIN the crying, meaning, to not scream and yell and harass people while crying.
“So far I have no doctor who can help me figure out my conditions!!!“- there has to be a doctor somewhere that can and will figure out your conditions! Clearly, from what you shared IMPULSE CONTROL is one of your conditions/ challenges.
“I’m not a baby I am better than her“- think EQUAL to her, not better.
“I know I’m not supposed to bully others, but I’m sick of letting my ‘friend’ follow me every time. What do you think I should do?“- I think you should NOT BULLY other people no matter what. Instead ASSERT yourself: tell the friend in a strong voice (not too loud though): do not follow me! If she keeps following you, tell a teacher or a supervisor: I told her to not follow me but she is still following me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable that she is following me. How can I make her stop following me?
“I’m either passive or passive-aggressive. And I don’t have time to be too assertive to others when I’m upset“- find the time to be ASSERTIVE because being passive or passive-aggressive will NOT work for you!
“I want to win school contests and challenges like these people. And I am smart, but I lose in these contests or challenges. How do I win???“- to win, RELAX first and go about the contests and challenges in a more relaxed state of mind. If you want something too strongly, too passionately, you are less likely to get it.
“Do you have any journaling advice and ideas on how to be comfortable with a journal and making comics? I like Youtubers, but no one in Twitter or YouTube ever likes me. And when I ask for twitter info, they refuse to listen. I really need help with this, what can I do so that I can be a better writer and comic artist? Besides the story I wrote one time???“- I don’t have a journaling advice, nor do I have advice on how you can be a better writer and a comic artist. But I do have advice on how you can get people who can help you to give you the advice and information that you need:
Ask for others’ advice on Twitter and elsewhere NICELY, POLITELY. Don’t DEMAND it. If a responder did not answer one of your questions, politely ask your question again in a second message. If you tend to ask too many questions in one message, limit the numbers of questions so that responders don’t get overwhelmed with too many questions. If you send messages that are too long, limit the length of your messages so that responders don’t get overwhelmed with a message that is too long..
“I don’t know how to stop being hard on myself, and I don’t know how to start acceptance. It’s getting out of my control. What can I do?“- First, RELAX, best you can, as often as possible. Second, seek PROFESSIONAL HELP regarding your impulse control challenge.
“Thank you, From, Ivygrl“- you are welcome, Ivygrl. Post again any time you want me to reply, and I will!
anita
September 20, 2022 at 12:19 pm #407252
My journeyParticipantHi Ivy
I believe you are already strong as you have come on here and opened your heart to many. That alone is amazing, the only advice I can give you Ivy is talk to your mum and tell her how you feel. Never feel bad about crying its an emotion and one that you should always express,
Do not worry about your English I could not read until recently and I am 52 years old!!
Whatever you write as long as it comes from your heart it will always be right.
November 5, 2022 at 8:15 am #409655AnonymousGuestHow are you, Ivy?
anita
November 12, 2022 at 4:27 pm #410019IvyParticipantTo @anita, @My journey , @Helcat,
I’m angry and upset. Please help my Twitter account is being ignored for way too long. I’m so powerless, why am I always alone? My parents never supported me enough.
They want me to be perfect! That’s why I’m trying to ignore any baby cries that I always do. I’m depressed, and my problem is actually not from the autism, it’s kind of helpful. the real problem is that it’s coming from my depression issues, behaviors, and the many anxiety disorders (according to my legal guardianship evaluation) I do not know the names of. I am so angry because my teacher did notice the TinyBuddha account I went into and it’s not fair. And I’m also angry and upset because I want to choose one thing: to be a better writer, or a better manga artist and I don’t feel like doing both. I choose to be a better writer, artist, and cook.
I’m gaining weight, like my stepdad, and I do not want to gain weight. My family always blames and complains about me now, because I’m now responsible and I’m supposed to do everything they do and help my family when I grow older. I’m almost 18 years old. You can reply here Anita and everyone else, and I won’t reply here very much because I know my school is spying on every device they have at my house! I’m using my new tablet the school gave to me, because my other tablet broke thanks to me and my stepdad…my life is in danger, please reply back!
from, Ivygrl.
November 13, 2022 at 9:37 am #410026AnonymousGuestDear Ivy:
“my life is in danger“- can you tell me, Ivygrl, what you mean by this sentence?
I am sorry that you are suffering, Ivygrl, and I hope that you will soon feel better: a whole lot better. You shared that you have “autism… depression issues… and.. many anxiety disorders“. Clearly, you need professional help: please reach out to, and cooperate with your school special ed teachers, as well as with community health care providers such as medical doctors, social workers and therapists.
I find some of your wording (choice of words) endearing in its originality: “I’m trying to ignore any baby cries that I always do” (Nov 12, 2022). It reminds me of another expression from your original post, almost a year ago: “I was with my caregiver but I felt sad and did whining, crying, and wailing habits with my mouth within” (Dec 19, 2021). I never asked you what you mean by mouth within. Can you tell me?
anita
November 13, 2022 at 12:58 pm #410029IvyParticipantHi it’s Ivygrl,
“my life is in danger“- can you tell me, Ivygrl, what you mean by this sentence?
– @anita , this is for you, please respond immediately, I have depression and no one is ever happy with me. In my mind my mind is a scary jury trial that always right. I’m always bum and never right. I am improving in one way because I found the error in my ways, and I’m feeling better. But what about my future? I want to be a better writing but what if I’m never enough? I’m esopolistic and have a half empty glass. Whatever does that mean?
I find some of your wording (choice of words) endearing in its originality: “I’m trying to ignore any baby cries that I always do” (Nov 12, 2022). It reminds me of another expression from your original post, almost a year ago: “I was with my caregiver but I felt sad and did whining, crying, and wailing habits with my mouth within” (Dec 19, 2021). I never asked you what you mean by mouth within. Can you tell me?
– By “mouth within” and the quote I did from 2021 , I meant to say I was with my former caregiver at that time, and I was really upset and very sad (because I cried tears). Once I cry with tears and start yelling and screaming while crying, no one will ever like me, that’s what my family and other people that I know believe. Crying while yelling = loser/outsider.
I want to be the most powerful girl being on earth! I failed, Because I’m not strong enough and I give up very easily!
I need help! Please! I’m not good enough! I’m so vulnerable in front of my family it’s like a mix of the saddest parts in Enchanto 2022 movie and the scariest part of 22 in the movie Soul.
I am weak! please help me. there is this wording phrase about the subconscious mind that says “you have a glass that is half empty/half full”. What does that mean?
please help I have autism, depression, and some types of anxiety disorders that I do not know the names of. I’m never good enough. I thought I loved to write until my passion diminished and stopped making me happy (thanks to my burnout issues and my scary cursed depression).
I’m ready to improve my writing. How can I ever be the most famous writer that I want to be?
I was indefinitely banned from the young writer’s society (YWS) because of my harassing and spams. I quit my form of writing (horror) and I knew I’m never good enough, because I’m weak. I want to write comedy (lighthearted). I’m a cursed person, because my mom knows the future. I am always angry and tense, and once no one listens I fight back and become even angrier and more tense, because no one will ever listen to my problems and I want to be a famous writer when I grow up. I’m going to be 18 years old soon, and if no one solves my problems, what would I become? A monster! That’s what!
How can I be a happy better person? How can I permanently be the best writer ever? How can I raise my confidence, self esteem, and start getting people to love me forever? How do I write comedy? How do I make everyone happy with my writing? How can I ever be half full in my drinking glass? How can I ever change my life in happier and positive ways?
Please help me and write down in the comments!
from, Ivygrl.
November 13, 2022 at 1:24 pm #410031AnonymousGuestDear Ivy:
“‘my life is in danger‘- can you tell me, Ivygrl, what you mean by this sentence?’- anita, this is for you, please respond immediately“- I am responding immediately and I am asking again (because you didn’t answer): what do you mean by your life being in danger?
“I need help! Please!… I am weak! please help me… please help I have autism, depression, and some types of anxiety disorders that I do not know the names of“- I would very much like you to get the help that you need. This is why I suggested that you seek and cooperate with the professional help that is available to you within your school and community. (I am not a professional and this forum is not a professional setting).
“How can I be a happy better person? How can I permanently be the best writer ever? How can I raise my confidence, self-esteem, and start getting people to love me forever? How do I write comedy? How do I make everyone happy with my writing? How can I ever be half full in my drinking glass? How can I ever change my life in happier and positive ways?“-
– if only there were answers to a few of your questions (how to make you permanently the best writer ever; how to get people to love you forever; and how to make everyone happy with your writing)), and if only I had answers (to the questions that have answers), answers that will satisfy you immediately , which is what you want… right: answers that will produce immediate and complete satisfaction within you… sort of magical answers?
anita
November 13, 2022 at 3:19 pm #410037IvyParticipantHi anita,
The danger is that I’m almost 18 years old. My birthday is coming up on the last day of November. I can’t even live my life to the fullest. I’m sad and scared I don’t what to do when I get older. I have huge breakdowns of my life. I felt so esopolistic I don’t know where to go, where to visit, or what to do to live my life to the fullest. I need to do something fun, but how can I do that? I’m almost 18 and It’s my last year in high school (senior year). What can I do? If I’m half empty, then that means I’m a failure, so there’s no way I prove to others I can make good short stories. What am I doing wrong? Why am I repeating this happy-sad-happy-sad pattern of life every time? Can you help me? I’m losing my self esteem, and I keep getting a big lack of replies. It always has to be based on me, and my behaviors are not easy to handle. What can I do?from, Ivygrl.
November 13, 2022 at 6:58 pm #410100AnonymousGuestDear Ivy: I will read and reply to you Mon morning. I hope you have a good night!
anita
November 14, 2022 at 7:51 am #410112AnonymousGuestDear Ivy:
“My life is in danger… The danger is that I’m almost 18 years old. My birthday is coming up on the last day of November. I can’t even live my life to the fullest“- I don’t know of anyone who lives their lives to the fullest. If not living one’s life to the fullest = one’s life being in danger, then everyone’s life is in danger.
Life being in danger means that your physical life is threatened, ex. being threatened with a weapon. You need to be more careful with your wording, Ivy.
“What can I do?… Can you help me?… What can I do?“- when you submit a post with questions, read the answers you receive (instead of ignoring the answers and repeating your questions). In your 4-page thread, you received answers from five members, including 17 posts (with answers) from me. In my last two posts yesterday, my answer was … well, read those two posts and look for my answers, they are there! I suggest that you patiently and attentively read all of the posts you received from all five members and take notes of the answers that may be useful to you.
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.