Dear Lindsey:

You are very welcome. Good to read that the kids enjoyed their presents, and I hope that they are enjoying the warmer weather in Florida. I hope the mediation will all be done with by the end of this year!

“I have something to share with you.  I’m going to try and not be graphic because it deals with sex.  I also hope it is ok to talk about it on this forum.  If not just let me know“- I am bracing myself as I continue to read. (I often read and respond to one part of a post before reading the next).

I just read the rest of your post, and it’s perfectly fine to talk about this here, nothing that you wrote was inappropriate and it is an important topic.

So, you and Jason had dinner, after dinner went to his house, sitting on the couch he brought up the topic of contraceptives (and STDs, I am guessing). You told him: “But I don’t want to have sex right now.  Are you going to get annoyed if we don’t have sex in a few weeks?  I have no idea when I will be ready“. He didn’t give you a clear answer, but instead the two of you “were doing some things and he asked repeatedly to take off an item of clothing“, and you said “No“.

– I am assuming that he initiated some sexual play after you told him that you don’t want to have sex right then and there. If my assumption is correct, then it was wrong of him to do so.

A No is a No, for crying out loud, even if the No is whispered!

“I’ve got to have a conversation with him about all this because I was very caught off guard.  I want to have the conversation right now but… this is not a conversation to be had on the phone or via text.  So now I have to wait“- I know that waiting is difficult for you (and I hope you did wait since you posted this) but got to wait to talk to him about this in-person, not in his house and not in your place. By talking about it, I don’t mean that you should compromise your No, so that he will not get annoyed.

Here is what I suggest: when you see him next, on a date, before you tell him anything about your position on the matter, ask him about his position in regard to a woman’s No. Ask him if to him a No means a Maybe, or a Yes. Hear what he says. If you are caught off guard by what he says and don’t know what to say next, don’t say much, go straight home after the date, and tell me what he said, will you?

“Am I overrating? I’m not sure.  I’m disappointed… But isn’t that normal when you have gone out with someone 5 or 6 times?“- it is not wrong to want to have sex with a person after 5 or 6 dates, but it is wrong to not respect a person’s No. So, I understand your disappointment.

If you are sitting at home, extremely distressed and very impatient about talking to him, then you are overreacting, and I wish you calm down. The point is that you will not be back to his couch anytime soon, and not before talking about it with him for as many times as you will need to talk about it!

anita