Hi there, Anita and Helcat ,

It’s Ivygrl again. Sorry about the delay, for one week I decided not to reply for now. I’m doing ok now thank you for the advice. I’ll do my best to try to fix more of my habits. It won’t be easy, but I’ll eventually try to fix them. Though doing them all at once is a multitasking hassle. But I might ask my parents about this.
And also, I might need help on asking for help at the right time. Because at school I didn’t ask for help, and my teacher saying that I need to advocate for myself to people more. But I’m so scared. Because I’m supposed to do everything by myself. That I’m a adult and I need to understand that rewards do not come in handy, especially in punishments.
And I’m also sometimes too scared to tell the truth to my teachers, and back then a now I need to do all work on my own. Well so far my teachers are giving me one work at a time to deal with. You need to earn the rewards and do everything perfect by yourself. If you want to win you have to do everything perfect, successful, and not a noob. Right?

Anita, when you said:

– “To be strong you have to push yourself really hard to the point of burnout… I stick to push myself really really hard and be successful“- it is not true that to be strong you need to push yourself to the point of burnout. The opposite is true: to be pushed to the point of burnout makes a person weak. When you do push yourself, push yourself very gently!”, – What do you mean by that?

what does it really mean to push yourself too hard really? I mean I’m not trying to push myself. And how can I stop pushing myself too hard? What am I doing wrong once I do my stuff and hobbies?

– “I worry very much that since my mom… doesn’t want to hear me cry in those unnecessary situations… She just doesn’t want to hear me scream while crying in punishment situations“- I understand that your mother, like other people, do not want to hear you cry and scream, especially in public.

Can you tell me what a punishment situation means?” – for the “punishment situation” I actually mean the situation where you are punished and that you are never supposed to cry, or get upset, even if you want to cry or get upset really bad. There’s no way to shift back the emotions though, not unless they go away naturally, but I don’t want the sad feeling to go away naturally. I want them to go away now. What can I do?

-“I beginning to notice my family isn’t too autistic friendly, even though my family actually loves me and stuff. They don’t tell the truth at times to the therapists or counselors, that I really hate noises or lights“-

– do you mean that people in your family (parents?) hide information from therapists and counselors, for example, that you hate noises and lights? What other kinds of information does your family hide from therapists and counselors, and why?” – I’m starting to realize that my parents do love me, but they don’t give enough information about my autism arousal. They aren’t me, but they should know some thing about me and I should chat with them. But the point is the doctors did not tell what type of autism I have.

And Helcat: to answer your question about self care, I don’t know any self care methods that can help me, but I know that I like to write, and I’m scared to journal and write the truth.
also what do you mean when you said:

“I’ve said before you seem very hard on yourself. You’ve mentioned that you have perfectionist tendencies. This puts additional stress and anxiety on yourself. Relaxing your attitude and challenging these thoughts. Allowing yourself to be without punishing yourself is very important for managing anxiety. One method people use when they are struggling to be kind to themselves is “what would I say to a friend in my situation?”.

You’ve mentioned that teachers tell you off for behaviours, you mentioned that your mother is strict. You mentioned your carer threatened you. This is what I meant when I asked before if you picked up these tendencies from others.”?- I don’t know to stop “punishing” myself. I also heard that “less is more”, but what does it really mean in life? How can I stop pushing myself to the point where I get less usable effort?
Because I really want to succeed well with my passions and love (like drawing and writing) , and without too much effort. I really do not like the way I push and move less when I push (like when I learn at school) . And at the end of the day, we all want to get better.

so I hope you have a nice day, and reply to my questions when you need to. Thank you Anita and a Helcat for supporting me and I hope you support me more in future replies. From, Ivygrl.