Dear Girija (samy):

“If I am suffering because of a situation, is wanting something else not considered spiritual?” -wanting to not suffer is natural. Moving away from a source of pain, is a natural animal instinct aimed at survival. If you accidently touch a hot stove (a painful situation), you instinctively move your hand away from the hot stove, before you are even aware of the situation. The brain instinctively labels this situation as bad/ dangerous, and it acts swiftly, for the purpose of surviving it.

“Aren’t there situations worse than mine, with abuse, with torture – is wanting to change that wrong?” –  no, it is not wrong, just as removing your hand from a hot stove is not wrong.

It is not wrong to want to change (and to act so to change) a painful, dangerous situation. If a person is tortured in any way, mentally or physically, of course it is right to want to (and to act to) change the situation, ex., by escaping, if possible.

On the other hand, let’s say you are in a situation I was in for over two weeks recently: I was stuck at home because of very heavy, deep snow, unable to leave the house to buy new groceries, socialize etc. My brain naturally and instinctively labeled this situation as bad/ dangerous, but I was not able to change the situation. Anxiously and at times feeling depressed, I watched the snow and icicles hanging from the roof melt bit by bit by bit by bit… by bit. But I wanted the snow and ice to be gone quicker than that!!! … But I couldn’t make it happen.

In this situation, wanting a different, better situation (no snow) was useless and painful because when you focus on what you can’t change, anxiously waiting for it to change, it feels like you are stuck in time, feels like time is not moving forward. Better to accept a situation like this best you can, lessen that want, and focus on other things, feels like time is moving forward faster this way, way less anxiety and suffering.

“I am confused about action. Is taking action against something that is – wrong? When do I know I should act vs accept?” – the serenity prayer says in part: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference“. Substitute situations for “things” and you have your answer.

“The break I want is… from… Feelings…  The final break gives me no comfort. I want to have a better experience before that final break” – practicing what I italicized right above will lessen your suffering and give you comfort.  The serenity to accept unwanted situations that you cannot change, is about detaching yourself, best you can, from wanting a different situation, to hush that want.

I will give you a practical example of how to detach from a situation/ how to temper feelings regarding a situation that I cannot change, taken from my life right now: I am looking at the outside through glass doors, 18 days after the snow started falling and a week or so of melting with no new snow. All that’s left is just a bit of snow that fell off from the roof. I don’t want to get all excited and joyful as if life is all good forevermore, as if never again will I get trapped in snow. So, I am saying to myself: it’s nice right now, there is no snow today. My joy is tempered, and when it does snow again, I will feel less anxious and not at all disappointed because I expected it to happen. Less joy now, less anxiety and disappointment in the future, in regard to snow.

“But I can apply this now – Don’t get attached to any particular feeling, be it joy or sorrow. Peel off fear from this feeling, and any other. Hush the fear, Girija, hush….“- apply it repeatedly, every time you notice a feeling, any feeling, and let me know how it goes, will you?

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by .
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by .