Dear Girija:

In the first instance, you noticed that your feelings were hurt, you defended yourself, and you did some self-talk and contemplation. You told yourself that “the moment has passed; it doesn’t matter now. I am having to work to hold on to the moment. I can simply let it go” and following contemplation: “I was able to conclude that this was a mishap and doesn’t make me incompetent” – good job, Girija! You changed what you could (defending yourself, and it appropriate to defend yourself in this instance) and you accepted what you could not change and let it go.

In the second instance, you encountered sexism on reddit, and you stood up for yourself and for women in general. You received a rude response from a male participant. Instead of defending yourself, you were “able to let it go thinking he said what he had to, and the moment has passed, I am not going to change that” – again, good job: you changed what you could (standing up for yourself and for equality of women), and you accepted and let go of what you couldn’t change (the particular male participant’s sexism). Posting a reply to his rude response would have given him another opportunity to express his sexism attitudes.

Although you let go of these two situations, they returned to your mind later, and you had to let them go again and again. You asked: “Once you decided not to let the weather affect you because you can’t change it. Would it still come back?” – when you are in the habit of worrying and overthinking, the answer is: yes, the worries you let go of will come back.

“Or am I doing something wrong?” – no, you did everything right in these two situations. It’s just that you have to do it again and again, every time a worry returns. Every time you let go of what you cannot change, you are encouraging a new mental habit.

“My heart rate was high throughout the day for the second instance, and I read that stretching increases the blood flow and relaxes our body. So, I had to do those multiple times in the day. Is it normal?” – it is normal for the brain and the rest of the body to shift into the flight-and-fight response when it is in the mental and physical habit of doing so. It takes a long time to create a new mental and physical habit to worries.

“The resistance to women having their own freedom breaks my heart.  The only thing that will fix this is having more women in the workplace… I’m sorry for bringing this up here. I don’t have anyone to talk about this to” – you are welcome to talk about it here, on this thread, or start a new thread on the topic. Maybe there is a way for you to become an advocate for women’s equality in the workplace!

anita

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