Dear Girija:

“Putting feelings aside” – true to the tradition in your home. March 2019: “No one cares about emotional needs…My mom was never ‘supportive’. She never took our side… My mother always took care of us, besides emotional stuff… I feel like I have been raised more like a farm animal than a human”.

Still, March 2019: “They did actually send me to school, and I have a job because of that – but who have I become?” Your answer, almost 3 years later: a person who is “putting (her) feelings aside“, specifically, her hope and desire for a better life for herself.

Back to 2019: “I once asked her how she felt when she held me for the first time, she said she does not remember much… Is it really possible, that my mother did not feel anything when I was born? If she did not feel love, then – my own mother – what is the point? I am not sure what our relationship really is”. Today, I answer- I think that the relationship between you and your mother is very common: it’s another story of one-sided love and loyalty, a story of unrequited love of an adult-child for her mother.

Today: “My mom doesn’t want to leave…  she doesn’t want to lose…” – what about what Girija wants? When does Girija gets to be number 1 in her own life???

“I feel like if I left her, I would be doing something wrong… like I am turning my back on her. She won’t have anyone to take care of her…. If I turn my back on them, they won’t survive” – an unrequited love of an adult-child for her parents, a one-sided loyalty.

“If I were to put my feelings aside, I would look for a job in a different city, which I will anyways, for the money at least” -your parents do not give you emotional support, nor do they want it from you, best I understand. The financial support that they do want, when they want it- you can give them that from a distance: you can send them money.

“But I am afraid I won’t be able to live peacefully leaving my mother behind” – I think that the closeness you feel to your mother is a one-sided closeness. She will be okay if you move out and live elsewhere, as long as you send her money if and when she needs it. No?

anita