Hi Teak, thanks for your time to reply for these.

I was devasted when she said she doesn’t want me. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. She knows that because i told her. I may have not written it down clearly. I have this obsessive overthinking like Anita had told. I am not able to write things or articulate my thoughts clearly. I accept i have drinking issues and it is not just the company. I will get myself diagnosed to understand how severe it is, if there is a test for it. Last week when i went to my friends, i surprisingly resisted and said I don’t want to drink, in the first party i didn’t drink while my friends had. In the second party i denied a lot that i don’t want to drink but when they insisted so much, i gave in and started drinking. But me saying no at first is an improvement in me i feel. I want to continue with that. I confronted my friends who forced me to drink that day and told them not to do it again. Also told them i am quitting. But i want to analyse myself further to understand how severe addition i have. I will check with some rehab centres Anita had suggested. I loved her a lot, but i was so obsessed with working out of country, body building and some career that i thought that is more important than love and marriage life. Now i realise what is important in life and what was important to me in my mind deep inside. Because these body body building or whatever doesn’t even make sense without her. I will work on the rehab thing.