Dear Anita,

Thank you for your understanding. Somehow, not a good thing, I feel a little bit relieved that there are people carrying the same load like me.

Some of us, unfortunately, and I’m not comparing, are born with defects. I have felt this “something” missing my whole life. It’s like a huge hole missing in my chest. Sometimes, well almost all the time, I feel like I’m heartless. Due to this “feeling”, I have always been codependent on my mother. I have carried her sorrows, pain and felt(still feel) responsible for her happiness.

I have tried to run away, escape, hide and distance myself from her, but the further away I go the stronger the pain.

I still fear the day I will lose her forever(I pray every day that I will go before her). I’m really terrified that I will always feel guilt and responsibility for my mother’s pain and sorrows(even for the sad and painful things she experienced as a child).

Now, I try to give as much love to everyone, but still, I feel I fall short.