Dear HoneyBlossom:

You are very welcome. I am glad that you are back here, good to read from you again.

“I still often feel less worthy and loveable than other people. I wish I knew how to rid myself of that feeling” – “less worthy than other people”...  When we are highly critical of ourselves about any particular thing (X), we tend to think that other people are better than us, or about perfect in regard to X. Whenever you find yourself negatively criticizing yourself regarding X (or Y or Z), think of other people you know and how they fair regarding X. Do the same with Y and Z. You’ll see that you are among people who are about equally imperfect.

Good to read that you are addressing your medical issues and taking better care of yourself, that you have a good relationship with your adult son and with others, including with your wonderful friend in the next town, that you stay away from your older sister, that you like your much improved job with better pay, and that you like your lively little home and two dogs. I am sorry to read about what looks like the recurrence of cancer and that you have other health concerns. I hope that all will be treated successfully in surgery (if it takes place), medications and lifestyle changes

“I am grateful to live in a country which has a public health care system so my hospitalization, treatments and medications will all be taken care of” – that’s a very good thing. Not the case here, USA, except for the lucky ones who have government jobs with excellent health care benefits. Otherwise, health care is largely private, and astronomically expensive.

“As I said, I’m not really sure where to start in working on myself… I would be grateful for suggestions” – connecting with others is best, like you do with your friend in the next town. Here, maybe you can continue to connect with the lovely Pink with whom you already formed some emotional connection. (I tend to be cerebral, and you need support that is more emotional, I figure).

Otherwise, in regard to your sadness- daily aerobic, mood elevating exercise, such as a brisk walk for half an hour or more can help a lot, after work perhaps. Also, reading (see under BLOG at the top of the page), listening to guided meditations maybe, journaling privately or here, on your thread, etc. If deep sadness continues and persists, psychotherapy will probably be a very good idea. At any time, if you want my input, address a post to me, let me know what kind of input you would like, and I will be glad to reply to you.

anita