Hello Anita,

Hope your week is going well.  I am working in office all week so it’s an adjustment.  My relationship is going well.  Everything is good with the kids and I took Ella to her first Art class this past Saturday.  So something happened last night and well I don’t know how these things happen to me besides that I don’t have boundaries.

I have a younger male friend that I’m sure I have mentioned in the past.  He has given me a lot of advise for the past 3 years and has set me up with a new job interview.  I have noticed over time that he gets overly sexual  describing other women he is seeing or sexual comments made to me about situations. Recently the messages have gotten way worse as far as vulgar.  When I read them I think that’s really gross and I don’t read it again, I just move on.  I’ve thought in passing that I wish he would not send that kind of stuff. I’ve said something about it but he’s taken it as a joke and I have not pushed the issue.

Last night Jason was over and before he was leaving I laughed and said let me show you a funny article Chance sent me. ( the younger male friend.) Above the article was a vulgar statement Chance had sent and Jason read that.  He said does that say ….? And I said yes he sends those things all the time and I ignore it.

So to make things short I sent him a message last night after he left apologizing and we then spoke on the phone.  I said how sorry I was and if things were turned around I would be really upset and not as calm as he was acting.  His overall response about the situation was that it was disturbing.  He asked me questions about Chance like if he was attractive or if we had messed around in the past, both were no.  I said that I should have set a boundary with Chance about those types of vulgar messages.  That I have issues with boundaries.  He mostly lisened. I got really upset and he told me everything was fine, we would move forward and if I was truthful about not speaking with other men he would believe me until something happened.

I sent a message earlier about getting a dog sitter because he invited me to a 2 day vacation at the end of the month. I have not heard back so now it’s classic Lindsey anxiety about waiting.  I also sent a message this morning to Chance about no sending those types of messages again.

I made a mess of things and I just don’t know what to do.  His response is probably how things will  move forward but I feel awful about the entire thing and wonder if I should send something else about the situation now. (which I think maybe no- just move forward) I’m terrified that he thinks less of me.  First being how vulgar the comment was and it was on my phone and directed at me.  Second that I am part of that kind of text messages.  I’m just at a loss here.  I just realized the word I am feeling- Ashamed.

Lindsey