@anita

I have been less stressed since yesterday. I will probably take breaks from replying as before and leave you a note when things are feeling overwhelming.

You are very deserving of empathy Anita. It’s unfortunate that some parents just see children as possessions or an extension of themselves instead of as individuals with their own needs.

Thank you for clarifying that more original expressions of empathy are suitable for you.

I hated the phrase “It’s okay” for a long time. People would say it in an attempt to “calm” me while they were abusing me.

Ah thank you for explaining that this feeling of empathy was accessible once the relationship ended. I don’t think I have ever relaxed my views regarding my mother. I have difficulty forgiving people that refuse to acknowledge their mistakes. Some things, I believe cannot be forgiven.

I did remember thanks to our conversations that my mother was younger when she had me and my father was at least 10 years her senior, with an abandoned other family. He abandoned us too which is why there is little mention of him. As an adult I find his behaviour very concerning because birth control existed and he didn’t seem to care about the damage he left behind in either situation. When I was younger I fixated on him as an absent figure as a good person somehow because the moments I spent with him he was kind to me. Someone who wasn’t there was somehow better than the person that was there abusing me.

I am comfortable sharing these things with you Anita, as you share many similar experiences, are kind and insightful. I value our conversations, it’s just the topic that can be stressful at times. As long as I take care of myself by taking breaks when other stressors pile on I’m able to continue our conversations. I hope that you will take breaks if needed too? Please let me know if things become too difficult.