Dear Angelina:

You are welcome and thank you for your appreciation! You shared that a year ago (March 2021), you moved in with a male friend, a man you didn’t know well, but he appeared to be “kind and seemed safe to be around“. Your purpose in moving in with him was to save money (to pay less rent), and for him to help you build your own van to travel in.

Two months in (May 2021), you became “better friends” and he asked you for a date. Shortly after, you became “official“, and within 6 months of moving in with him (September 2021), you were “a very serious couple“. 9 months in (December 2021), you were “a housewife with a promise ring and we added a second dog to the family“, and as these things happened, you forgot about your plan to travel in a van.

Before Dec 2021: “this man was everything I ever wanted… We had so many of the same dreams and the same morals in common. We both loved dogs. It was so perfect… I saw him as my future husband, the father of my kids“,

Dec 2021=> mid-February 2022: “Suddenly, or that’s how it seemed, I started losing interest sexually…  I noticed myself becoming attracted to (a coworker) and would fantasize about him. Even though I love my boyfriend…  ended up having a brief sexting relationship. It happened twice… Now I have completely withdrawn emotionally and even more so sexually“.

Mid-Feb=> March 31, 2022 (today): “For the last 6 weeks, I have felt nothing for my boyfriend, I can’t even bring myself to say I love you. I don’t miss him, I don’t want to touch him, I want to be alone all the time now… I stayed with my family for a week… (with) a friend for another week. And throughout everything I never missed him… when I came back, I felt like a totally different person”

“Why? How? My boyfriend deserves better… how can this happen?… We would have been so good together. He loves every part of me, every dark corner. That’s rare. How could I stray away so far“? –

– You wrote that he loves every part of you, every dark corner. I have this image in my mind: his love is like beams of light shining light into your dark corners where old hurts and fears sleep. His light awakened your old hurts and fears, and as a result, you felt them again. Hurt and scared all over again (perhaps for just a moment), instinctively and automatically (without noticing, thinking or planning), you closed the door on him so that his light does not reach your dark corners anymore, and old hurts and fears can sleep again. What do you think/ feel about this image?

anita

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