Dear Helcat:

“Apologies for the delayed reply and for not letting you know when I’d be available. My life is a quite chaotic at the moment. I will do my best to estimate what is going on when I can. It won’t always be accurate” – it’s okay, really. I suggest that you post/ reply whenever, no need to state how long it would take and then worry about posting by the time you set. I don’t want your involvement here to add stress to your life!

“My heart goes out to you dealing with those triggers on a daily basis…” – thank you, you are very kind!

“I am only now beginning to connect to anger that I had repressed for decades” – maybe… maybe connecting to and expressing some of the decades-long repressed anger will lessen your chronic physical pain?!

“I think the memory of my mother from when I was young is very different from the reality of how she is now” – when I read this sentence, I thought to myself: how does Helcat know how her mother is now, because you shared in your own thread: “Fortunately, I haven’t been in contact with my mother since I was a teenager“.

It is possible, I am thinking, that you are not in direct contact with her personally, but you are in contact with someone else who is in direct contact with your mother, and that person updates you about how your mother is currently doing (?)

Personally, I know nothing about my mother ever since I ended contact with her, other than that she is still alive. But I still find myself, when I share about her, using the present tense once in a while, as if she was still in my life, and you do too, another example: “my mother seems very similar to yours“, seems as in the present tense.

This use of the present tense makes sense in light of what you stated earlier: “A quote I find apt, ‘Mother is God in the eyes of a child‘”, and God is indeed perceived as an entity who is always with us, past, present and future: “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b, NLT), “I know the Lord is always with me.. he is right beside me” (Psalms 16:8, NLT).

“Thank you for your patience and kindness, it is much appreciated” – you are welcome, and thank you for the same!

anita