Dear Helcat:

You are welcome. If there is “always a lot of arguing between various family members” and you “keep a distance from it” but you are “not always successful“, and once in a while you get hurt by their arguments (“it causes pain“), then the distance you keep is not distant enough.

“It is hard to say when something is too much” – you shared before in two threads: “Nowadays, these thoughts of suicidal ideation are habitual…  these thoughts… tend to be triggered when I am feeling distressed. For example, after an argument with loved ones…  Arguments definitely trigger these feelings… certain things such as arguments cause painful feelings” – Clearly, arguments are bad for your mental/ physical health.

You wrote earlier: “This is 2022, I am safe at home with my pets and husband. I have many good people in my life and have had many good experiences that I deserve” – I didn’t know at the time, when I first read these two sentences, that currently, in 2022, you are still exposed to abuse, a different kind of abuse from the abuses you were exposed to living with your mother, but abuse nonetheless, in the form of these arguments that you are currently exposed to.

You wrote earlier: “My family taught me to accept abuse without protest. This normalised a lot of abusive behaviours, to the point where I had difficulty identifying poor behaviour as well as protecting myself from it” –

– my family, in this quote may apply to your biological family and to the family that took you in…? Is arguing  normalised, in your mind, as a non-abusive behavior? Are you still having difficulty identifying some abusive behaviors (ex., arguing) and protecting yourself from it?

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by .