Dear Tobi:

“I mean I need closure. I know she has problems. So do I” – the only closure that is available to you is addressing your own individual problems.

If by some miracle, she contacted you and met you and said all the things you wish her to say, you would feel wonderful, I imagine, euphoric, happy… but that would not last long because she cannot solve your individual emotional problems any more than you can solve hers.

“But putting more stress on your partner is just wrong. During our relationship, she said ‘love’ so many times. She even wrote me a letter on Valentine’s Day saying that I was the best thing ever happened to her” – reads like she experienced a change of mind and heart. Earlier- she felt love for you, later- she no longer did. For your own sake, you need to accept this change.

Like I suggested to you before, this relationship was very short, only 3 months while at the beginning of it, she was still in a relationship with another person. Three months in this circumstance is too short of a time to refer to her as a partner… too soon.

“I don’t know what went wrong” – one of the things that went wrong is that you rushed it: she told you that she was not ready for a relationship right from the beginning, but you…  rushed it.

Here are a few online quotes about rushing things:  “Slow down. Rushing means you miss what’s right here”, “It is more important to go slow and gain the lessons you need along the journey then to rush the process and arrive at your destination empty”,

“While you’ll feel compelled to charge forward it’s often a gentle step back that will reveal to you where you and what you truly seek”, “There are some things that are just not worth rushing, especially something that you wish would last forever”-

– putting these quotes together: you rushed and didn’t pay attention to what was happening, you didn’t learn/ gain lessons along the way, you arrived at your destination empty, you didn’t get what you truly sought, and love lasted only a tiny fraction of forever.

“I talked to a friend who was in toxic relationships, she told me that it is possible that this girl is used to the toxicity… Could that be the case?” – it could be one of the reasons for what went wrong, but only one reason. One of the other reasons is that you rushed the relationship.

“I am somehow having a horrible emotional cocktail in my heart, and I don’t know how to escape. I wanna cry but I can’t force myself to shed tears” – two days ago, you asked me: “Do I need professional medical help?“, and I answered that I thought it was a good idea. Did you look into seeing a medical doctor and/ or a psychotherapist, like I suggested?

anita

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