Dear anita

I am aware that my performance should not be the main factor for being liked or accepted as human being. I am more than what I have and can. For me it is also difficult to pad myself on my shoulder for doing something great like achieving a goal or put myself in a unknown situation that scares me.

I could gain good experience to trust people. That is something that gives me the courage to do it again and again. It was and still is hard to trust people. But I learnt on my way that dwelling on a situation that doesn’t occur yet, doesn’t help. There will always be risks that something will not work out and will hurt me. But the regret not trying will hurt more than taking the jump into the cold water with the possibility to get a good experience. The thought to always have the possibility to remove myself from a situation or to walk away helps me to trust myself. And I also think that time will tell if people, who I newly meet and trying to keep in touch, want to be friends or not. I still fear judgements of others and the risk that people could let me down. But trying to balance out the feeling with the thought that I will always stand by myself no matter what happens outside of me, help me to get going even if I feel bad about myself.

Sesha