I totally understand what you are going through. Spiritual awakening seems to be a process of birth and death. Growth is not easy because it stretches our current understanding of how things work. Hearing other people’s stories is a way to not feel isolated and to be reminded that we don’t have to stay where we are. Ultimately, all of this comes down to how much we trust God. Do you believe God truly loves you and holds you in the palm of his hand? Picture yourself walking hand in hand with him throughout your day. That is the type of relationship he wants to have with you. This is not a perfect process. I have experienced feelings of rage during my awakening over the past, but all that matters is the present. When we engage with the present, the past becomes an illusion. All that matters is love. Please visit my blog at http://www.myvastman.com to learn about how I have overcome challenges. I’ve only had it about a month, but I think you will find it interesting based on what you have posted here.