Dear Sushmita:

“My boyfriend was not hopeful about our future. He was afraid both of us will not be able to move on and that I am so much attached to him I might do something to myself. And that he’ll not be able to take it….My father even says that he’ll rather burn me if I die by suicide than consider this guy“- is it that you told your parents that if they will not accept your boyfriend for marriage, you will commit suicide? Is this something that you told your boyfriend as well, that if you don’t end up with him.. you will kill yourself?

“I was so suicidal at a point where I was continuously looking at the fan and wanted to take my life. but that too takes hell of a courage“- I am glad that you are alive! It may take courage to commit suicide, or maybe it takes terrible desperation rather than courage. What I know for sure is that it takes real courage to keep living when you don’t feel like it. It takes great courage to hold on to something positive and rise above deep despair, and this is what I hope you will  be doing next.

“I belong to so called upper caste and my boyfriend of 3 years belonged to low caste… I am constantly blamed by my father for being the reason of misery and no property given to him by my grandfather… I am currently pursuing masters. I am 23 and my boyfriend (25)… . My parents have stopped putting effort to talk to me. I am currently living far from them but in few days my masters will be completed and I have no idea if my parents are going to take me home or what they are going to do with me. My mother said other day that she is going to gather all relatives and get me beaten and that’ll fix my mind…. I have exams going on. I have exam tomorrow… I would be glad if someone has something to say about this”-

– I wish that you were not in this very difficult situation. It will indeed take great courage for you to rise above the despair and hold on to life. I suggest the following: (1)  Keep yourself as calm as you can be, resting plenty, eating healthily, exercising a bit every day, a walk outside every day if it’s possible for you,

(2) Study for your exams, focus on graduating,

(3) Let go of your ex boyfriend because it looks like he had let you go some time ago (“He wanted to part ways without me telling at home… He has asked to not to fight for it… It’s been 6 months that we have talked only 2-3 times“). Even though he works for a multinational company, an MNC, and he is financially far better than you are, seems like he is very much into maintaining tradition as it is, which means that he accepts that he is of a lower caste and he doesn’t want to mix castes (“Also that his parents will not be comfortable because my parents will not treat his family as equal“).

* I wonder, since your father has been so upset about his father not passing property to him: if your ex-boyfriend offered your father enough money over time (from his paychecks)… maybe your father would have agreed to marriage.. maybe (?)

In any case, seems like your ex-boyfriend wants to respect tradition and keep the family structure and power as it is.

(4) If you have nowhere to go but back to your parents in a few days, and if they accept you back, make peace with them, so that you will be physically safe when you return to them, and so that your life generally will be less difficult. Please don’t mention suicide to them anymore.

(5) After a while, when it is practically possible, after you get a good job perhaps- think of an independent life away from your parents. What do you think about my suggestions?

anita