Dear Sun:

“for the past two days l was able to feel more better as it’s looked like everything is coming together like my life is becoming normal again and gaining some confidence” – perhaps because you understood yourself better, following our conversation, your anxiety eased.

When confused, anxiety goes up; when thinking clearly, anxiety goes down.

“but those thoughts still come again during the day and now I eventually suffer from difficult breathing especially at nights but in the morning I wake up feeling good the problem start during the day and eventually become bad at night”-

(1) habits are very strong, very persistent: not just physical habits, but mental habits. These thoughts (questioning your sexuality) have been occurring in your brain for quite some time, and so they are in the habit of reoccurring. Our conversation led you to a better understanding but it did not (and could not) eliminate any mental habit,

(2) seems like you wake up without anxiety, but the anxiety starts building up during the day and reaches a peak at night, (3) the thoughts regarding your sexuality carry anxiety with them, so the more you think them, the more your anxiety.

There are a few ways to lessen habitual, obsessive thinking and the anxiety that goes with it. One way is the pharmaceutical way, seeing a medical doctor and being prescribed with medications that aim at doing this job. Another way is the non-pharmaceutical way: applying emotion regulation skills, including setting and following a daily routine that includes daily aerobic exercise and  mindfulness practices such mindful breathing and listening to guided meditations.

Which way do you think would work for you, and are you aware of what I mentioned above in boldface?

anita