Hi Eric

It takes a long time to change habitual thought patterns. If you think about it, you may have been thinking in this way for many years. On the plus side, you are young. Neuro plasticity will allow changes to occur in time with consistent practice.

My concern is that you need a quality therapist to support you. You may not recover without one. Even when you are feeling calmer you still advocate for hitting yourself. Life is going to be very hard for you without professional help:

I’m a short lady at 5ft 4. I seem to remember that you are taller than me. Is this correct? I’ve dated 3 people shorter than me. The reason for relationships ending has never been height.  are more likely to be open to dating. Whilst it is true that people notice height upon meeting for the first time. People stop thinking about it. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to care about how short you are. Shorter ladies tend to be more open to dating shorter men since chances are you will still be taller than them.

Whilst height can limit the number of people willing to date you before 25. After 25 attraction changes for women. The focus becomes qualities suitable for a long term partner.

Anyone who cares about your height is superficial and judgemental, you can be thankful to avoid a partner with character flaws.

Likewise anyone who judges you based on your family situation or finances has character flaws. It says more about their weaknesses than you.

Many people are not judgemental. I have a friend that is a barista. He leads a non traditional lifestyle. He doesn’t value money. He suffers at times for it. But he is adventurous and brave. Many people are willing to make themselves unhappy for a sizeable paycheck. As long as you believe in your own decisions and lifestyle, people will also view you with respect.

My point is that the circumstances are not the problem. Your anxiety about judgement from others is what causes you pain. You care about the judgement of others because you don’t like yourself.

Everyone has set backs in life. Overcoming these challenges helps us grow as people.

Going to the gym is progress for you. It is something that you do like about yourself. I hope that you continue to discover new things that you like about yourself. Like the cleaning you mentioned. This is a great trait for a partner. Women value a man that doesn’t mind helping out.