So, I had abusive relationships with my boyfriend. He was physically violent.

It was the only time a man was very violent.

but in other relationships I keep sabotaging love. I always ask them to break up with me and provoke them.

When I was 6, my father left, he had subtance abuse problems. And then he re-married, I was very jealous. And actually jealousy is a big thing in my relationships., the reason that I sabotage them.

i am scared that the guy will look at other girls, like them. And once I read that if you feel jealous towards same sex people, that meAns that you have homosexual tendencies. And since then my obsessive thinking about my sexuality started.

I started to ask this question, sometimes it goes away, but then it comes back.

it came back lately, and I experienced a panic attack at night, I could sleep, I just cried the whole night.

I fell in love with a guy, but he is in a relationship, another disappointment and I’m just like “maybe  lesbian?” Because  scared of men, I feel tired of them, disappointed and desperate and can’t imagine myself being with them