Hi @anita,

I haven’t searched for a therapist yet. But that is the goal.

Currently, I am feeling disappointed in myself. I have to many problems holding me back from being who I want to be. But it’s hard.

I feel that in this society we are induced in a coma. A coma of comfort and this comfort is a product of consumerism. We consume and consume. And that is our lives. We can never be ourselves because we are so indulged in our pleasures. And these pleasures replace our lives. Movies and video games replace entertainment. Porn replaces sex. Alcohol and cigarettes replaces therapists. Social media replaces friendships. And so on.

The result. Depression. That is why society is depressed because we no longer have meaning. We are hopeless. We gave up our virtues to become a byproduct of consumerism. We are obsessed with wealth and fame. We want everything but don’t want to work for it.

More than ever do I want to die. This life is a prison. I started vaping to quit smoking, but now I vape like a chimney. I waste hours every day playing video games, making connections to the characters, wishing I were them. I watch porn because I want to relieve myself of all the stress in my life.

Of course, there are personal inflictions caused throughout my life that put me in a state of weakness. Giving into my own vices. The vices of society that sedates me.

But all I want. Is to be a man. Is to have control over my life. I want to stop this. I want to quite smoking. I want to quite porn. I want to get out of the video games and come back to reality.

but how?

It pains me to contribute to this. I am suffering with all these things. I am not living my life.