Didnt know if should open a new topic since its on the same subject so here I go.

I also struggle with IBS, dont have a type, but its a combination of diarrhea and at times constipation, especially before my period. It started years ago I suspect, I remember having troubles with bowel movements since I was a child, it was more on the constipation side back then, but also then as it happens now, I tend to have urgent bowel movements in the most unfortunate moments. I do know its related to anxiety, but lately is intruding a lot in my life, especially my work life. I work as a massage therapist, used to work at a spa, but my problems started and I decided to do this at my home. I just started actually. The thing is I have bowel movements during the massage and have to leave client on the table telling some lie how I have to get something from the other room and other stuff - I do it quite quickly, if Im not in the constipation period. It also started to happen at the salon, its weird, the first months were totally fine, but I know I wasnt eating on a good schedule and at times I would skip meals and have large ones and all the bad stuff you can do when youre with IBS, and at some point, I also had an episode of some sort of food poisoning and hell unlocked.  I was also vegetarian for a year or so and I actually believe it has messed up a lot my digestion and IBS, I also became lactose intollerant recently. Btw, its not only the urgent bowel movements, but also the bloating, pain under the rib cage, can`t breath if a had a slightly larger meal and then changes in the stool, plus the rest…

My massage practice was a special and safe place to me, but it started not to be anymore. I also realise that sometimes it happens more when people also speak to me, which I do love, I love listening to them, maybe get a little unconfortable when I have to speak and say stuff. Lots of my clients like to talk to me though and I cant just tell them to stop or to cut the conversation short. A while ago the urgent bowel movements happened when it was related to a romantic situation, it was very connected to the masculine side. I also remember times when I was healthy and fine, in the first two years of highschool, then I fell in love and lots of anxiety came back to me and thats the point when it started to intensify. It was also related to going in unknown places where I dont know if Ill have a bathroom, or with strange people with whom I wouldnt be comfortable sharing all this. If I would go with my uncle, for example, or with some family members, it wouldnt be a problem, but if I go with some new people, or recently met people to a barbeque, I would be very worried.

It feels so weird, Im alsmost 29, this feels like such an imature response and issue, like not being able to control my bowel movements, it brings lots of shame, and now, frustration, because I want to keep doing what I do, meaning the massage. Now Im at home, I thought it would bring more tranquility for me, because at the salon I had a very passsive agressive boss and it was a weird vibe. I also have now worries because I might not have the same environment as a salon, yet, and I hope they feel comfortable… still, its debilitating and makes worried that Im never gonna be able to live a normal, peaceful life.