Dear Neera:

Welcome back, almost a year since you posted last. Good to read that your communication with your partner has improved (resolving issues without aggression, excellent!) and disagreements in the relationship have become minimal.

You shared that your relationship with your father improved as the two of you maintain a healthy distance from each other, giving each other space and minimize talking about topics that cause arguments. There are fewer fights between your parents but there are “major disagreements and arguments” between your mother and you. She yells at you and uses swear words, name calling you.

“It seems anything I say that remotely is different from what she wants causes a HUGE argument, and gives me terrible anxiety, followed by silent treatment from her… the words she says are so hurtful, and then later it’s like I need to try and get over it because she was angry. But these bursts of aggression happen over the slightest reason… Growing up, my mom was my idol, and my best friend… She always says oh you don’t even live here anymore why do you care about so and so, or you never visit” –

– maybe your mother is upset that she is no longer your #1, your idol and best friend, that you now have a partner who is now your #1 . Maybe she is jealous that your partner is your priority, not her. Do you think that this may be the case?

anita